Harmony Within Chaos

Aruncatura de bat

2009-08-28T01:54:00.000+03:00

Se intampla pe neasteptate, in timpul unei activitati banale si deobicei statice. Apare fulgerator si dureaza de la cateva secunde pana la cateva minute. Imagistic este uneori reprezentata sub forma unei persoane ce se priveste pe sine in oglinda fara vreun scop precis, cum ar fi verificarea machiajului ori a lungimii barbii. Este o senzatie cu siguranta cunoscuta multora, insa despre care se vorbeste putin, fiind ceva personal si, in plus, greu descriptibil. Eu o voi numi "aruncatura de bat".

Aruncatura de bat vine pe neasteptate. In clipa in care ea apare, o senzatie stranie de constientizare a propiei existente invaluie subiectul aruncaturii. Are loc o schimbare radicala de perspectiva, trecandu-se de la un aparent obiectivism, la un subiectivism profund. Deodata, persoana in cauza realizeaza ce este, si ca nu ar putea fi nimic altceva. Tot ceea ce exista in jur este distinct. Senzatia este perceputa totodata ca o limitare, ca o ingustare brusca a unei autostrazi largi la un drum prafuit de tara. Constiinta apartenentei la familie, la grup, la breasla ori la neam dispare, in timp ce singularitatea, unicitatea si nesubstituibililatea fiecarui individ in parte devin mult mai perceptibile decat in mod normal. Uneori, o usoara senzatie de panica poate acompania aruncatura de bat.

Intr-un final, aruncatura se finalizeaza prin oprirea fireasca a batului in urma contactului cu solul. Lucrurile revin la normal, iar gandurile si problemele care, pe parcursul aruncaturii, devenisera inexistente, incep sa reapara in prim planul subiectului. Tot ceea ce ramane este o vaga realizare a supraestimarii importantei acestor ganduri si probleme, ce dispare si ea dupa cateva minute.

Why Write?

2008-12-31T04:28:00.004+02:00

Every now and then I get this feeling that activities such as writing are generally useless. There are today probably millions, if not billions of books, articles or blog posts, all existing because of this need some people have to express themselves, to share their thoughts with others. But is it really of any good? Sure, there are a handful of books that have proven very influential to our society (like the Bible and the Qur'an), and there sure are a lot of useful scientific papers and books that contributed to our evolution. But I'm not talking about this kind of writings, I'm talking about writings written only to express one's thoughts about something. I'm talking about writings like this blog post.

I find it to be somehow pathetic to fool yourself that your thoughts are so valuable that they deserve to be written down and shared with the rest of the world. Actually, the more enthusiastic people are with writing and the more easier it becomes to be able to write and share, the harder you will find something valuable in this ever-growing sea of written words. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that things like blogs where invented and that people are eager to use such tools, but in the same time, I think this writing thing, for the most of us, is perceived as something more valuable than it really is.I particularly target books, papers, articles or posts that talk about the author's ideas concerning the greater things in life. And, most often, this blog falls in this category; in a way, this is a post criticizing my own blog.

Socrates once said: “By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher and that is a good thing for any man.” Much more recently, the Unabomber wrote in his manifesto that “we use the term "surrogate activity" to designate an activity that is directed toward an artificial goal that people set up for themselves merely in order to have some goal to work toward, or let us say, merely for the sake of the "fulfillment" that they get from pursuing the goal.” Well, I doubt that “becoming a philosopher” (a pretty bad and unoriginal one, most of the times) is “a good thing for every man”, but I think that these types of activities are a perfect example of what Ted Kaczynski described as a "surrogate activity".

When things aren't all shiny and bright, people start to build up complex models, to complicate things and to generally just think too much. Eventually, they are starting to believe that they have discovered a part of this word's mechanisms, that they begin to understand how things work, and they feel the need to brag about it by sharing these discoveries with the rest of the people. Their initiative is a conceptual failure, because, if they where indeed to have discovered such things, they would have been most probably enjoying living their lives, instead of writing down all these thoughts. What Socrates said is basically that being a philosopher is nothing more than a manifestation of frustration. But this is something that can be easily extended to all sort of other activities, starting with art, and covering probably most of what we are doing when we are not hunting or gathering food. Our culture tries to dismiss such a thought, and we are educated since the beginning of our lives to respect and to aim towards high achievements. In fact, we are trained in such an effective manner, that many times we are stroke by guilt if we are not always trying to achieve more and better things, to earn more money, to climb the professional and social ladder, to “use our potential”, as they put it.

From my point of view, this post should be a paradox. But I am still able to not think too much and be preoccupied with such things as paradoxes all the time, so frankly, I don't care. I'm just going to post it, because I feel like doing so. There it is, I still stand a chance :)

Happy New Year!

Parasites

2008-12-22T03:00:00.002+02:00

I woke up this morning thinking about going back home. Outside it was already dark, and the city lights where spreading across the ever-present fog. So where am I? And is this really just another day?

Here I am writing down some words and slowly preparing to go back to sleep. It's just a couple of hours since I've woke up, but this is the way things are during winter, the days become shorter, right? I have this strange feeling that I'm missing something; that I perceive time very differently than I have done it in the past. Sometimes I get a little bit paranoid, thinking I'm somehow mysteriously managing to actually loose time. Have I discovered the secret of time traveling, without even knowing it?People are scared of things they cannot control. People fear, but in the same time, are attracted to such things. These feelings exist because we subconsciously know those kind of things can bring pleasure, but in the same time, can hurt us. But we are gamblers, and we often take the risk. As we grow old, we become less and less willing to do so, because our past experiences of suffering carve deep in our conscience, and we become reluctant to take any chances. But, by doing so, we are digging our own graves.

I am home, as I have always been. I have never left this house I'm living in, and I have never really woke up just yet. I can hardly imagine myself getting out of my bed, dressing up and going out there. I have practiced doing this many times, but I still do not understand how actually doing it could help me. Time, you see, is just a weapon of nature. It helps it to eventually get rid of parasites.

Scale

2008-12-02T01:16:00.003+02:00

It has always been a good reality check for me to remember the scale of our own existence; as individuals, and furthermore, as species. It can prove useful sometimes to remember we are one of the tens of millions species that populate one of the planets that orbit around one of the 100 billion stars that form one of at least one hundred billion galaxies in the observable universe.

And if we as species are here for no more than one hundred thousands years, while our planet has been around for 4.55 billion years, our existence as individuals, spanning over a number of decades, seems to be so small that we can easily ignore.

Now, I'm not saying we should ignore our own existence, but a certain degree of humbleness every now and then won't hurt us; and maybe, just maybe, it can make us live less stressful lives, carry on fewer wars and enjoy more this split of a second that we call life.

Of course, we are set up to perceive time at our own pace, and somebody having a broken leg will always feel the half an hour until he or she receives medical attention like an eternity. Obviously we cannot measure our time using the astronomical scale, but I think doing this exercise every now and then can sometimes be useful.

---

Enjoy: The Lost Song - The Cat Empire

Religion?

2008-11-24T02:35:00.000+02:00

The most precise science of them all, imho.

The paradox of choice

2008-10-19T15:32:00.000+03:00

The Illusion of Decision Making

2008-09-25T01:51:00.002+03:00

We think of ourselves as decision making beings. We are confronted every day with situations when we have to choose, to pick something and leave something else behind. Whether it is a matter of work or personal life, whether it is a small thing, like what shoes we wear on a particular occasion, or more important things, like switching jobs, marrying or leaving someone, we always think that the decision is ours to take.
I don't believe in determinism, but I think this whole concept of decision making is highly overestimated. We base our so-called decisions on what we think and on what we feel. What we think is very influenced by our past experiences, our current knowledge and the way a particular situation is presented. What we feel is very hard, if not impossible to control. You are free, but you aren't as free as you think you are; and that's the optimist in me that is speaking :)

Sergey Brin's Blog

2008-09-19T04:01:00.003+03:00

Sergey Brin (Google co-fonder) just started a blog. On his first posts he talks about his predisposition to Parkinson's, his mother's condition and the research that is being made regarding the genetics of Parkinson's Disease.

Just a Thought

2008-09-18T03:27:00.003+03:00

I think that one of the things we misunderstand the most is what time really is.

Money as Debt

2008-09-15T22:43:00.001+03:00

Paul Grignon's animated presentation of "Money as Debt" tells in very simple and effective graphic terms what money is and how it is being created. It is an entertaining way to get the message out. The Cowichan Citizens Coalition and its "Duncan Initiative" received high praise from those who previewed it. I recommend it as a painless but hard-hitting educational tool and encourage the widest distribution and use by all groups concerned with the present unsustainable monetary system.

Shout a Message to the World

2008-09-15T03:38:00.001+03:00

A couple of hours ago I've launched IBlare.com, a very simple website that gives its users the basic functionality of posting a short message on its main page, for everyone to see. The idea is that many of us sometime feel the need of expressing a thought, a feeling, an idea, to shout a love message or a hate message, to make a prediction, to quote somebody, or whatever, and we don't always want to do it by the means of more complex tools like blogs or social networking applications. It is a sort of a shared note board on which anyone can stick their post-it notes.

This website is an experiment. Posting all messages on the main page is an obvious bottleneck for its own growth, despite the fact that up to 30 messages (the latest ones) are presented there. Nevertheless, I thought it would be an interesting thing to try and see how it evolves. I must admit it has something to do with both my fascination with simplicity and my attraction to human emotions, expressing needs and behavior. I am not expecting much out of it, the only thing that I'm sure about receiving being spam and probably attempts of promoting various things.

Go on, try it. When I'll build the archive page you will be proud for being the first ones to post something, and I'll give a special prize of 1 million $ to each and every one of my first 1000 shouters :P

Synthetic Happiness

2008-09-13T16:53:00.001+03:00

An interesting talk by Dan Gilbert.

Stay hungry, stay foolish

2008-09-05T00:57:00.001+03:00

Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Inc, Stanford Commencement Speech, 2005.

Back to the Basics

2008-07-15T00:24:00.001+03:00

Sometimes all you have to do is clap your hands. Keep it simple, how many times do I have to tell you this?

Sleep

2008-07-09T01:10:00.004+03:00

Somebody once told that consciousness is the annoying time between naps. Was he a coward, was he a genius? Maybe he was just an average joe feeling a little bit tired.

---

Enjoy: Death In Vegas - "Girls"

Art?

2008-07-08T00:37:00.000+03:00

Expressing what people secretly think, in a simple, straightforward, yet original manner?

---

Enjoy: Fixed Income

Write here, right now

2008-07-02T17:53:00.001+03:00

Patrice in Bucharest

2008-06-25T03:36:00.000+03:00

Patrice is selling neither cars nor insurances. He wasn't trying to convince us to buy neither a certain shampoo nor a particular brand of beer, and we loved him for that. He told us he was sick of all the "Buy me! Buy me! Buy me!" banners all over the city, and the crowd yelled in agreement.
Patrice is a great musician, and perhaps an even grater entertainer. Last night he pulled of a wonderful show, and I thank him for that. Lots of people came to his show in order to forget about their troubles and to have a good time, after seeing one of the show posters, or after finding out about it on Feeder.ro. Now, aren't dreams, nice thoughts and good times, merchandise? Aren't posters a form of advertising?

Anyway, I'm not trying to be a wise guy, and these things are obvious to many. Actually, a really wise guy would deliberately block any wise thoughts out and enjoy a good show, and, to a certain extent, I accomplished that. "Don't think" would be a good motto ;))

---

Enjoy: patrice - soulstorm

Ce mai visez eu

2008-06-21T00:32:00.001+03:00

In timpul unor manevre, personalul unei navete spatiale observa orbitand in jurul pamantului o cladire. Explicatia pare a fi un atac terorist petrecut in trecut, cand un individ a detonat o bomba intr-un business center. Deflagratia a fost atat de puternica incat intraga cladire a fost propulsata in afara atmosferei terestre, orbitand in deriva in jurul pamantului.

Situatia devine tensionata cand se reuseste contactarea teroristului, care, spre surprinderea tuturor, este inca in viata, in interiorul cladirii, la 2 ani de la incident, supravietuind in imponderabilitate inchis intr-o incapere ermetica si hranindu-se cu plante. Teroristul se pare ca este roman, iar Basescu face presiuni pentru organizarea unei misiuni de salvare.

Se baga cineva la ecranizare? :P

---

Enjoy: your dreams :D

The Family

2008-06-12T03:19:00.005+03:00

Susan Denise Atkins (born May 7, 1948) is a convicted American murderer who remains in prison in the State of California for her participation, along with Charles Manson and other members of the so-called "Manson family", in a series of murders, often called the "Manson murders".

Discovery Channel's "Most Evil" series featured tonight the story of Charles Manson and his so-called "Family". One of America's most famous criminals, Manson never actually killed anybody. Instead, he allegedly brainwashed the members of his group in order to perform the murders for him.

Justice of course, in its stiff manner, solved the problem by convicting all the direct participants in the murders plus Manson to prison. But this case raised a lot of questions, one of the most troubling being, to which extent somebody can be brainwashed to the point of performing such gruesome murders. The first thing that comes in people minds is usually that this could never happen to them. Sure, in this case the subjects where two dozens of young hippies that we can always blaim for being weak and naive. But what about Hitler and the Nazi movement that rose anti-Semitic sentiments and hatred to so many people?

Manipulation. Convincing other people by using their own weaknesses, their own fears. People are never satisfied and are always looking for something to blame their dissatisfactions upon. Given the right circumstances, all the hatred of a mass of people can be concentrated in one singular spot, and the result is predictable: a powerful destructive action towards this particular target.

Then, there is the peer pressure. Often underestimated as well, but Asch conformity experiments simply reveals a "tendency to conformity in our society so strong that... people are willing to call white black." Just a couple of hundred years ago, slavery was consider a normal thing. Now we are all thinking about it as something monstrous. But why am I talking about Manson, the Nazis and slavery? Just look how similar people's lives are, how similar we dress and how we tend to have the same recreational activities, and you will get only a glimpse of the power of peer pressure.

Anyway, this is an extensive subject, and I am tired.

Susan Atkins has been sentenced to death in 1971, when she was 23. Her sentence was commuted to life in prison later on and she has been imprisoned ever since. In April 2008, it was revealed that Atkins had been hospitalized for more than a month with an undisclosed illness, which was subsequently reported to be terminal brain cancer. She has been given only several weeks to live.

---

Enjoy: Paul McCartney - Helter Skelter

Preconceptions

2008-06-11T03:04:00.003+03:00

We always think of death by terrible car crashes as pure tragedies. And they are.

But then again, we rarely think of sick people, young or old, often lonely, waiting for months, maybe years, on hospital beds for death to come, having nothing more to hope from this life. Cases like these never make the headline news. Like realizing and having to wait for your own death would be an advantage.

Seven Random Don'ts

2008-06-03T03:04:00.001+03:00

Don't be a hater. Hate won't do you any good, it will only consume you in a useless way.

Don't be proud. If you achieve something valuable, be humble, because there are always a lot of extern factors contributing to any success. And if you think that in your case there aren't, think again. Very few things, if any, are indeed yours to be proud of.

Don't be a smartass. Human logic has its limitations, and its very usefulness is debatable. Even if you are smart, that is primary due to your genes, which you were born with. Don't waste your intelligence by proving it all the time. Do something good and useful with it instead.

Don't be afraid. Easily said than done, I know. But old people tend to experience more regret for things they haven't done in their lives than for things they have done. When your life will be close to its end, you will see how meaningless all these reasons for which you are now afraid really are. But then, it will be too late.

Don't be judgmental. It is very hard, if not impossible, to truly put yourself in someone else's shoes in order to understand his or her actions.

Don't be shallow. Don't be too profound, either :P Just keep an open mind and try to look at things from different angles before building an opinion.

Don't be hopeless. Because hope, well, that's what you've got :)

---

Enjoy: Gentleman - Serenity

Fine Tuning

2008-05-20T04:24:00.004+03:00

There is a very fine balance of the amount of attention needed in order to keep him or her satisfied.

Overdo it, and you will get her to the point that she will no longer consider it a pleasurable thing, receiving your attention that is, and gaining your attention will no longer be perceived as a challenge. She will get tired of it, and eventually, what was once something she was enjoying, will become a burden, pushing down her shoulders and making her sick of it.

Underdo it, and you will make him suffer. Constantly craving for it and always feeling neglected, ignored or underappreciated, you will make his life miserable and you will inflict a constant pain upon one of the very few people that actually love you. Moreover, you will feed yourself with him, building up your own self confidence on his lack of it and unconsciously building yourself a dependency on this kind of thriving.

There is a very small deviation admitted to this balance, and once its limit has been breached, abnormal relationships develop, that lead to suffering and pain. Consider now that this balance has to be established both ways, and you'll get a sense of why people are listening to all those cheesy love-themed songs so damn often :P

---

Enjoy: Massive Attack - Dissolved Girl

Curentul EMO

2008-05-15T04:08:00.002+03:00

Mi-e si putin jena sa vorbesc explicativ despre ceva care nu mai e demult o noutate, insa observ cum presa se agita in mod constipativ si foarte tardiv sa ne prezinte ultima problema grava descoperita de ei cu care se confrunta tineretul glorios al societatii noastre contemporane: the EMO thing, acest curent malefic care ne transforma copiii in sinucigasi pe banda rulanta. Si sa nu trageti concluzia pripita ca as fi eu cine stie ce mare consumator de presa, insa ma mai uit la TV in timp ce pap un pranz copios pe la 12 noaptea si vad tot felul de "oameni mari" care isi dau cu parearea despre ceva ce nu cunosc, nu inteleg si nici nu ar putea sa inteleaga. Dar critica.In primul rand, pentru putinii care nu stiu, curentul EMO nu e nou. Nici nu vorbesc despre ce si de cand se intampla pe afara, dar pana si la noi in Romania colcaie HI5-ul (n.r.: retea de socializare online) de ani buni de profiluri de emo kids. Ce este un emo kid, ce inseamna emo fashion si ce este muzica emo sunt lucruri despre care oricine se poare documenta usor pe net daca nu are idee asa ca nu o voi face eu aici, mai ales ca nu sunt un fin cunoscator. Am scris acest articol cu alt scop, si anume de a surmonta cateva din criticile stereotipe ce se aduc intr-un mod foarte ingust "adeptilor" acestui curent. Si, de fapt, ar fi putut vorba de oricare alt curent. Mereu cand apare ceva "nou", au loc aceleasi discutii, critici, conflicte. Nu ne mai saturam :)

Sunt niste frustrati

Cu siguranta unii dintre ei sunt. Frustrarea insa se naste de cele mai multe ori dintr-un sentiment de superioritate nerecunoscuta si se poate manifesta in foarte multe feluri, unul din cele mai des intalnite fiind dorinta de a avea mai mult. Mai multi bani, mai multa putere. Aceasta dorinta este impartasita, cu mici exceptii, de majoritatea oamenilor, o trasatura a rasei umane si motorul evolutiei. Cu totii suntem niste frustrati iar atitudinile critico-agresive nu sunt altceva decat o dovada in acest sens. Emo kids sunt poate putin mai sinceri in ceea ce priveste frustrarile decat ceilalti.

Sunt prosti pentru ca se taie cu lama

Frustrarile provoaca suferinta iar suferinta uneori isi gaseste niste moduri de manifestare. Multi dintre noi isi refuleaza aceasta suferinta prin atitudini agresive, verbale sau fizice, asupra altora. Unii se bat pe stadioane, altii tipa la parinti sau la copii, la subalterni, la nevasta sau la necunoscuti, injura in trafic sau fumeaza, beau sau iau cine stie ce pastile pentru a se calma. Daca reusim sa gandim putin obiectiv, provocarea unei suferinte fizice de scurta durata (o taietura cu lama este mult mai putin daunatoarea propriului organism decat fumatul, spre exemplu) asupra propriei persoane este mult mai morala decat multe alte forme de oprimare a unei suferinte psihice. Desigur, ideal ar fi sa nu bem, sa nu fumam, sa nu ne certam, sa nu ne taiem cu lama si sa fim calmi tot timpul. Cat despre prostie, nu este o cauza pentru aparitia suferintei, exemple gasindu-se destule in sustinerea acestei afirmatii.
Asculta muzica proasta

...in loc sa asculte muzica buna, care se defineste ca fiind ce? Complexitatea unei piese (numar de instrumente, gradul inalt de dificultate al interpretarii) nu este o masura in acest sens, dovezi gasindu-se incepand cu "Für Elise" (Beethoven) si pana la "Love me do" (The Beatles). Mesajul transmis? Poate, dar evaluarea calitatii acestuia are un grad mare de subiectivism, si putem observa usor ca fondul mesajelor tuturor pieselor din toate genurile muzicale ce contin versuri se rezuma la cateva teme principale care se repeta. Timpul poate ca este cea mai buna masura, iar in acest caz exista formatii emo suficient de longevive pentru un gen relativ tanar ca acesta sa fie considerat cel putin la fel "bun" ca multe altele.

Se imbraca penibil

... in schimb, a ne innoda o bucata de material textil in jurul gatului si a o lasa sa ne atarne pe piept denumind-o cravata este un gest firesc, necesar si de bun-gust :) Cu totii adoptam un stil vestimentar care sa exprime o apartenenta. Fie ca ne supunem unor reguli sau o facem de bunavoie, fie ca vrem sa exprimam clasa sociala sau curentul muzical de care apartinem, ba mai mult, chiar daca incercam sa demonstram insusi faptul ca nu ne preocupa modul in care ne imbracam este tot vorba despre un mod de exprimare. Judecarea calitatii unei vestimentatii se poate face doar in cadrul acelui stil, dupa regulile sale, pe care cel mai probabil cei ce fac aceasta afirmatie nu le cunosc.

Nu au personalitate

Insasi existenta curentului este o dovada intrinseca a faptului ca cel putin unii dintre ei au o personalitate puternica. Ca in orice curent, exista trend-setters si multi trend-followers, posers, wannabies si trend-haters. Intr-adevar, multi devin emo pentru ca simt nevoia sa adopte un set de valori, sa se asocieze cumva unui grup, unei comunitati. Dar nu facem cu totii asta? Ce ne face pe noi sa credem ca seturile noastre de valori sunt mult mai bune, nu cumva insasi ele, seturile? Si iarasi revenim la subiectivism. Judecam plecand de la niste premize pe care le consideram universal valabile, insa jocul cu valorile absolute este unul foarte alunecos.

Si cam atat. Le-am luat apararea destul :D Si intre noi fie vorba, nici nu au nevoie de avocati. Pentru ca nici nu vor sa fie intelesi de toata lumea. They don't really care, ba chiar prefera sa fie putin stigmatizati, ca orice generatie la varsta asta.

P.S.: nu sunt emo. Actually, nu am fost niciodata ceva "to the bone", am ascultat si ascult multe genuri de muzica, am evident unele preferinte insa sunt suficient de diverse, si cred ca important este sa nu ramenem blocati intr-un anumit curent, oricare ar fi el. Iar emo it's kind of obsolete btw :P

---

Enjoy: whatever you like :)

Death Adaptor

2008-05-13T02:39:00.002+03:00

Haven't heard about it yet? It's the latest gadget, a small black box with a single on/off button on its side. Very simple to use, very simple to handle. Turn it on and it will immediately start to work. What does it do? Well, like its self-explanatory name describes, it adapts you to death, as simple as that. It pulls you from your state of denial and makes you feel comfortable with the fact that everything you see, everything you touch, everything you create, everything you have and everything you love will perish, just like you will.
If it hurts a little bit in the beginning, don't worry, that's perfectly normal. Actually, most people turn it off after a couple of seconds on their first attempt to use it, feeling hurt, scared and confused. It shakes a little bit your system of values and that can be quite disturbing, to say the least. But if you manage to use it on regular basis, it can help you maintain a kind of sanity that many of us normally perceive as madness.

Buy it now for only 9.99$, and, as a limited special offer, you'll get a free copy of yourself to try out new clothes, hairstyles and personalities!

---

Enjoy: Streetlights (Autechre - Eutow)

Retardation

2008-05-07T02:20:00.005+03:00

The refuge, the search for dark filthy corners, the satisfaction it brings. Think simple once again. Thank you.

Visual orgies, sound orgies, sex orgies, sleep orgies. K. And, of course, the price.

Nothing new under the sun. Same old stories, same old reasons. Same old seasons. Cooking books, food that hasn't died.

Every once in a while, the world is ours. Falling in love, failing in love, winning the lottery, sweet good times, friends, trips, hugs, headaches.

Empty but happy, what about that? Wicked girls, natural teasers, thank you for smoking kissers. Lost souls swimming in a fish bowl.

Details? Erased them already. No time for details. How many springs have you got left? Umm?

Build and destroy.

In other words, I'm back :)

---

Enjoy: Amon Tobin - "At the End of the Day" (ca tot ne-a vizitat nenea ;)) )

Copiii cuminti...

2008-04-30T12:50:00.001+03:00

... merg in vama de 1 mai :-" See you there :D

Maybe it's not all about...

2008-04-25T18:15:00.003+03:00

...eating lots of slaughtered animals' corpses.

But I'm just a smartass bastard making stupid allegations, craving for attention and trying desperately, still unsuccessfully to be interesting, so forget all that and have a ball. Fuck it, start today, why wait? It's Friday, after all. But what a Friday it is.

Peer-to-Peer Mutants

2008-04-23T01:08:00.004+03:00

Rivers of words, rivers of thoughts. Each and every single one of them having its own flavor, its own importance, its own meaning and taste.

We bathe ourselves in this huge pool of information, sharing some of our own with the rest of the world. Another part of it we do share, but only with a certain group of people, because some sort of common background notions are needed in order to understand it or to find it something of interest. There is also the part we do not share at all, whether because we choose not to, we don't know how to share it, we don't consider it being interesting enough, we don't have somebody to share it with or it's just something too personal to be shared, like a taste, a childhood memory or a smell. But these are all obvious things.We establish some kind of protocol, then we improve and optimize it and then.. well.. then we consider it has become too good. The information interchange is done in a much too predictable manner, and we tend to get bored by predictability. We choose another peer and re-write the protocols from scratch, painstakingly searching solutions for problems we have already solved in the past. But the problems are slightly different, past solutions don't apply and we hate that and we love that.

In the end, we are all mutants, so we have to keep mutating in order to stay alive.

P.S.: Btw, pt. cei din bucuresti, sper ca ati fost copii cuminiti si ati mers la arene we trecut da? :P

---

Enjoy: Black Sheep with drum n bass dj clipz rubbish

Bigmouth Strikes Again

2008-04-18T00:04:00.003+03:00

Proud and weak, that's what you are.

Your music, your hair, your clothes, your time, your education, your job, your money, your taste, your thoughts, your life. Always about you and your concerns, problems, dreams, desires and aspirations. But while you are having this obsession about yourself, have you wondered if you have actually ever thought about you? About what you really are? About what you really represent?

That's bulshit, why on Earth should you? It's not like something you are required to perform, and, if, with a minimum of intuition, you can easily guess that it leads absolutely nowhere useful, why even try? Well, because sometimes you just have to.

It's like when you watch television and someone puts between you and the TV. You can try changing your position, but eventually you'll get annoyed and you will confront your funny friend telling him to get out of your view. But what if your friend isn't really your friend? And what if he doesn't want to move and seems powerful enough to beat the shit out of you?

I show you multimillionaires committing suicide. I show you diseases, I show you accidents, I show you rises and decays, I show you the old, I show you death. I show you your death. I am your reality-check.

Do you need a reality-check? Obviously not. It's just that I'm mean, proud and weak. And amazing. Just like you.

---

Enjoy: The Smiths: Bigmouth Strikes Again

Protocols

2008-04-15T01:37:00.005+03:00

Billy likes Jenny.

A dark sky seems heavier and older. It throws thunders and lightnings like a vengeful cold-blooded warrior.

Billy would like to talk to Jenny.

The white dove has become a symbol of peace. Its bright clean appearance, the freedom suggested by it flying peacefully in the open space of nature, combined to form a strong image destined to soften even the stiffest lips.

But Billy doesn't know what to tell her.

"You would better leave right away!" she said, trying to seem strong and confident. But her eyes have sold her for a tear.

Jenny finds Billy "ok".

We are all believers in physical immortality. If you wouldn't have thought that you are immortal, why on Earth would you shave?

But not "ok" enough to think of going and trying to talk with him.

Twisting a couple of hot wires creates a sort of electrical cage. Such an enclosure blocks out external static electrical fields.

Billy can talk naturally with other girls.

The sound, the familiar sound of his car leaving the parkway echoes in her mind, although it seems an eternity has passed since he stepped out the door.

But with Jenny, he sounds so fake and lame.

"It's the stress", he thinks. "I just have to relax. But the same stress keeps me going. Without it I would be meaningless to myself and to others." Is it for these spirals we have to watch out every single second of our lives.

Billy thinks he won't be able to fuck her properly.

You have to be prepared. Despite you knowing this, you never are. It is like you are doing it on purpose, just to annoy me. At least for once try to prepare yourself! Because it will come, you know it will come, why do you lie there not taking the minimum precautions?

But then again, he knows he will never get that far with her.

It's cheap. With a couple of bucks you can buy almost anything in there. From happiness to rubber gloves. It's a little bit far out the city but it worth the extra time spent on the way.

Jenny fucks with Matt, who doesn't find Jenny all that attractive.

Our farm has lots of animals. Some of them are common, others are very rare. But you can find almost anything you set your mind to in here. Give it a try, think "horse with rabbit nose and spider legs". See? Right there, coming out their eggs.

Billy has been Jenny. Jenny has been Billy.

---
Enjoy: Enigma - Return to innocence

Miscellaneous

2008-04-11T15:29:00.000+03:00

Well, I feel guilty. Seems like this blogging thing got to me in a way. Just a few days without posting and I feel like something is missing. That's.. pretty weird, I must say. I never intended to become a "blogger". I just wanted to put down some random thoughts. I didn't want it to become a routine, a habit. I have a thing against habits. I mean, I do have things I do on a regular basis, but those things have to somehow evolve, change, re-taste themselves in order to retain their flavor.

Anyway, enough about that. Now I'm going on a team-building for the weekend. For those of you who live in Bucharest, I recommend you the Next Festival (it ends on Sunday, 13th). I've been there on Wednesday night and saw a few short films, like Spider. Nice movies, nice people, nice atmosphere, a little overcrowded, but I like crowds :P

Have a nice weekend. Entertain yourselves, or just sleep for 48 hours.

---

Enjoy: The Weather :D

Day #3

2008-04-08T01:58:00.004+03:00

The same knocks on the door, the same voices. "Is there anybody home? Hello. HELLO!".. always followed by some indistinguishable exchange of words that made it obvious for me that there are at least two guys standing there on the other side of my door.

I feel kind of safe though. I'm pretty sure they won't tear down my door any time soon, although all this situation makes me pretty nervous, and I can't help myself from staring in that particular direction. Why are they coming back? What do they want? Can't they see that nobody's answering? Maybe I've left on vacation, maybe I've moved out, or whatever. I just get this weird feeling that they somehow know for sure I'm just laying here, a couple of feet away from them, not making a sound.And then, after a few minutes that seem like hours to me, they finally leave. Hearing them walking away gets me out of the neurotic state of mind that paralyzed me since I first heard their steps on the staircase. Now I'm just very tired. So tired that I can't move my arms, so tired that I can't make me a little bit comfier. I just know I'll fall back to sleep in this exact position and that there is nothing I can do to prevent it from happening. And, to be honest, I don't want to prevent it from happening, I want to enjoy this moments before falling asleep, especially cause I know they won’t come back any time sooner that tomorrow.

---

Enjoy: De Phazz - Steps Ahead

Habits of Destruction, Habits of Joy and String

2008-04-04T01:44:00.004+03:00

A Sterile Exercise of Wider Views

"Alcohol. Cigarettes. Drugs. Stuff that is bad for you. So stop doing it. Period."

Most of us have a tiny drawer somewhere in our minds where we have buried the above statement, carefully categorized and used upon request. But I think there is so much more to think about then it comes to ADDICTIONS.

Addictions exceed far beyond the commonly accepted forms, but most of us don't what to think about it because the power of denial retain us from realizing that, despite we (probably) are not heroin addicts, we might just have some addictions of our own.

First of all, there are the substances. Caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, thc, cocaine, lsd, mescaline, ecstasy, k, heroine, amphetamines, barbiturates, methamphetamines, benzodiazepines and so on. Some of them legal, some of them illegal, some of them on the borderline of prescription medicine. But I think that the legal statute of these substances is highly overrated. Nevertheless, these addictive substances commonly known as drugs (although some of us like to exclude some of them from this category just because we use them) are just the tip of the iceberg, catalysts for the most obvious and simple to recognize forms of addiction.
Then, there are the activities. Gambling for example is the most widely recognized form of activity addiction. But is, let's say, cheating, a form of addiction? Can school or work become an addiction? Or can a human being become addicted to another human being? How do we define an addiction after all and where do we draw the line?

Good old Wikipedia defines it as "a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences to the individual's health, mental state or social life". However, this definition omits to designate an observer for these consequences and tends to leave the first tobacco smokers out of it, because there was nobody out there to determine the "harmful consequences" upon their health. It also implicitly requires a consciousness factor due to the necessity of the individual himself to "continue engaging" in such activities after realizing the hazards. It turns out defining addiction might prove to be harder that we would have thought.

Maybe it is about consciousness after all. Maybe it is all about strings. Pleasure and pain are things that succeed each other and coping with them requires some form of foundation. Chasing pleasure is as an addiction by itself, the same way coping with pain is. Maybe it's not about a specific chemical compound. Or maybe it's all chemistry. We find ourselves enjoying a certain activity that may prove itself addictive, or not. And if it does, it may be a good addiction after all. It can be socially accepted or despised. It can bring us fame and fortune or it can bring us suffering and death.

Ten points for repeating myself. Ten points for lack of originality. Ten points for grace on slippery floors. Oh yeah!

---

Enjoy: the subways - oh yeah

Hardcore Twist

2008-03-30T18:09:00.004+03:00

You never learn, you weak pathetic human being, always wining, always complaining, always sad and blue. How many times do I have to push you into the crowd? How many times do I have to listen to all your nonsense and explain to you that all your inner thoughts won't get you anywhere? I'll tell you again and again until it will eventually break through your fucked-up frustrated self-absorbed mind that you have to be HARDCORE. Boys don't dig this emo like behavior (emo looks, well, that's something else), or at least the kind of boys you wanna meet. I mean, sure, some of them may be interested in fucking around with you for a while but they will get bored eventually if you continue to put on this "hold me in your arms forever" kind of look.
You have to be cold, you have to be indifferent. Friendly but indifferent. And this is not something that you can fake. Why the fuck are you so obsessed about other people opinions? Get a hold of yourself, girl. You don't have reasons to be happy? Well, then fuck reasons. And fuck happy too. You'll be old. And so freakin' ugly. A walking mummy spending its miserable last years by going from hospital to hospital, desperately trying to postpone the inevitable. And all these will happen sooner that you think. Stop staring at yourself in the mirror. It isn't about looks, it's all about ATTITUDE. It is about the way you walk, the way you talk, the way you drink your beer. Boys want to conquer something that seems hard to conquer; they need a challenge, not a hopeless weak paranoid kid like you are. And I'm not telling you to be hateful. You just have to learn to be a badass without being bad, that's all.

Are you hurting and suffering? Well, guess what, everybody is. Hate to bring this to you, but there's nothing special about your problems. Millions of people experience the same emotions as you do. It's all about how you handle these emotions. This is what can make you different. Because different is what you are aiming for, isn't it?

Hate me all you want, I don't give a damn. You need redemption? Well, redeem yourself. Then whip those pathetic heart-breaking silent tears away and be hardcore. You'll thank me one day.

---
Enjoy: Peaches - Fuck the pain away

ChaosWiki: Love. Common Misinterpretations

2008-03-25T02:31:00.002+02:00

Scare away the butterflies. All the butterflies. Strip away the mating instincts, the attachment and the plans. Tear apart any bloodline connections, any parental protector reflexes, child gratefulness feelings and inter-sibling effects. Ignore the nesting instincts and the biological clock; take off all the guilt, all the remorse, all your habits and small pleasures. Ready? Cause now comes the most difficult part: take off all the selfishness that lies beneath your so-called love. No more thinking about the good times spent together, times in which YOU (and probably not only you, but that matters less) where having fun. No more thinking about all the things that YOU where enjoying or that YOU where dreaming of enjoying. Is there anything left in there? Well, if so, perform this one last thing for me: forget about yourself. Can you do that?
We like to talk about and to think we are capable of "unconditioned love". What is that? Kind of self-explanatory I guess, you'll just have to rip apart all the "conditions". It is when you do something good to somebody that you don't even know, not when you do so to someone that you share the same bed with; because sharing the bed becomes a "condition". It is when you help in some sort of way a person, regardless of its age, gender, looks or brains, without expecting anything in return, not even a "thank you", not when you buy a gift for a close relative, a friend or a "lover"; because all these statutes become "conditions". It is when you feel deeply sorry for somebody else's tragedy or when you feel truly happy for somebody else's joy without having any connection whatsoever with him or she; because the connection would become a "condition", you see.

Oh but we like to bathe in our own hypocrisy. We like to play with words, and there are several huge industries that draw benefits from this game. There's nothing wrong about attraction, gratitude, respect, admiration, consideration; on the contrary, these are all noble emotions defining our relationships. As for the butterflies, they are my favorites. But we just can't help ourselves to push it a little bit further. We call it love, a "love" that in most cases share the most trivial pre-condition, the bearer of it having so conveniently chosen an opposite-gender similar-age subject for his or her feelings. And we write poems, we play songs, we find ourselves just day-dreaming with that stupid smile on our faces. That's wonderful, I enjoy doing that at least as much as you do, don't get me wrong.

Sometimes we come to think we've grown wiser. We now "know" the difference between "loving" and "being in love". After the butterflies are long gone and we have spent enough time with somebody, we think we are starting to understand. Because many shallow things that might have influenced our feelings are things of the past now. And still, we all have heard stories of dogs refusing to eat and slowly dying after their masters perished. And although we find that heart-breaking, I don’t think we call that love, do we? I think we call it attachment.

Giving ourselves away to somebody else is a wonderful thing, but it’s just the next best thing we can do after giving us away without expecting anything in return. Then again, I know only one person in the history of mankind who have had the strength of doing so, and it was no human strength, that much I can tell you.

---

Enjoy: Autechre - Gantz Graf

Sweet Graceful Fall

2008-03-23T03:45:00.002+02:00

This was that one thing that she had been expected the least, a nightmare that she had never dreamed before it actually happen. She isn't a weak kind of person that tends to cry every time something bad comes in her life, but this time it is all so different. It was a strike of pure anger, a faith revenge of which causes she is just starting to see, but deep inside, she kind of knows what started it all. All the sensations that she, up until now, was laughing upon and attributed to not so very bright people having a low self esteem are now pouring down in countless waves all around her. She starts to ask herself questions that she had never thought she would ask, being too lame and too common among the people that she subconsciously despised in a way. And this gets her in a state of hating herself, which is, according to her own beliefs, a state of the weak, but this does nothing more than amplifying it and accelerating her drawing down.And, all of the sudden, everything looks different, everything feels different, everything sounds different. It is like she has entered another dimension, a parallel universe, in which all the things that where so friendly and familiar to her now seem distant, cold and empty. While she has the intellectual capacity to analyze this situation rationally, to realize that this is a way-too-common human experience and that there are causes, theories, psychology resources that bring possible solutions, thing to be done in order to overcome this state, all these have absolutely no value to her. She feels like a pilot that, despite he has the ability to get his plane out of an uncontrolled dive, he cannot move, and moreover, he unexplainable doesn't want to move either.

In situations like this, she thinks, there should be something to wish for, something to cling to, some kind of desire, some kind of hope. But the things that she desires are somehow fighting a constant battle between themselves, a battle that is constantly fueled with her own energy, with her own life. And so she realizes that this cannot last forever, given the fact that there is a limited quantity of fuel involved in this process. The fire will burn out eventually, but does she really want this to happen? Isn't she, subconsciously, giving extra air to this fire in order to keep it alive? This would be considered a form of masochism, and she never though of herself as somebody that likes to inflict pain upon self. Maybe there is something more to all this.

Things tend to counteract themselves. We can see this everyday and it is, after all, a probability issue. When it rains, an approximative equal amount of water will pour on every square foot. There is a balance, and every time you push in a way, a counterforce will eventually be felt. So this is a cleaning process. The fire hurts, but in the same time, it is the best disinfectant. So maybe she was in need of such a clean-up. A harsh painful cleanup that she started without even knowing it. This is her dream. She doesn't see the light, but then again, she wasn't seeing the dark before the fall either. Ironically, this gives her hope. The fire itself, the sweet graceful fall. Wicked things, humans :)

---

Enjoy: Vaya con dios - Time Flies (live)

Life Junkies

2008-03-20T03:08:00.004+02:00

We are all way too familiar with the "best things in life are free" statement. From the foggy beginning of known history and to the present day, there are countless examples of rich, powerful and famous people living miserable, sad lives. There are many cases of such apparently successful people brought to the edge of suffering, sometimes committing suicide for reasons that are often hard to comprehend. But we don't even have to be aware of all these sad stories, it is enough to think about our own lives to realize that the best moments we have ever had weren't induced by money, not power or fame, but by something else.

So we envy the young. We envy them for not knowing what life is all about, as if we would have any idea. We start wining about what our own lives have become, complaining about how all our struggling for a better living have led us nowhere and all our desperate gathering of happiness ingredients has proven futile. We see, if we aren't blind enough, how we start paying more and more money for vacations, clothes and accessories while we enjoy them less and less. As we are young, we can go to the seaside with 100 bucks in our pockets and have a hack of a time. When we become old, we pay thousands of dollars on fancy ocean cruises, craving for at least a small fraction of the same sensation of happiness.
Why is this all happening? One way of answering this question is looking at life itself as a drug. If not in its whole, certainly many of life's enjoyable excipients have all the qualities of narcotics. We develop tolerance to them, we start to need more and more of the same pleasurable activity to get to the same sensation, and when this is not enough anymore, we start wanting better quality and improved versions of the same thing, too. And as we grow old, we become experienced junkies that no longer consume a drug for pleasure, but for the sole purpose of suriving. We envy the young for the sensation they get for things that we cannot enjoy anymore, but in the same time we pity them for what awaits ahead of them. And eventually we get sick and tired of almost everything, and we die. It is just an extended version of a heroin addict's life who OD's in his mid-twenties, only that we replace the heroin with a bunch of other things, like our jobs, friends, lovers, the sports we practice, the movies we watch, our vacations and all the things that keep us going. Some of these we find them hard to think of as having the qualities of drugs, but if we do it while keeping a wide perspective, many of them are: we want better jobs or positions, we get tired of our friends (maybe we don't feel it just now, but look at older people, they have fewer and fewer friends, which they see less and less frequent), the lovers we once adored become life-companions that we got attached to, we become more and more selective with new music, movies, and so on.So what can be done? If I would say nothing, you will call me a pessimist. And I don't think about myself as one. I think we can all inspire ourselves from drug-addicts' lives. The ones who had escaped their addictions are the ones who had the power to change, to fight and defeat the withdrawal symptoms, to start over, to try something new. Maybe it's all about trading one addiction for another, but a new addiction brings along new sensations, new feelings, the stronger ones from the beginning. It's hard to do this once, let alone doing it over and over again for a lifetime, so eventually we will stick to a set of drugs of choice for the rest of our lives, set ourselves in a denial state, consider that this is the way life should be lived, and preach these "good ways", our own addictions, to our children. Just choose them wisely :)

---

Enjoy: Trainspotting - Song to say goodbye - Placebo

Quantum Suicide

2008-03-19T00:30:00.005+02:00

I'm not particularly fond of twisting and playing around with science for the sake of giving birth to interesting or appealing theories, especially when performed "by people with little understanding of the underlying concepts, and whose claims lack the intellectual rigor intrinsic to scientific inquiry".
But what about quantum suicide and immortality? It basically states that "the many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics implies that conscious beings are immortal". This is an educated speculation based on one of the most popular interpretations of quantum mechanics. Yes, I'm talking about that weird chapter of Physics that everybody heard about, where we know that somehow many bizarre things happen and everything is possible, but very few actually understand it. And as with all the other things that apparently don't have a direct impact on our everyday lives, we don't think about it too much either.

Disclaimer: Don't Try This at Home :D

---

Enjoy: The Fratellis - Flathead

Good Night Story

2008-03-16T23:46:00.004+02:00

Girls hate themselves. They think they're too fat, too thin, too ugly, too stupid. A missing tooth, bad hair, small breasts, thick legs, bad job, stupid jokes, nothing special. There is always SOMETHING to hate about the self. And they fight to get over all these frustrations, all these self-imposed limitations. They dream and sometimes eventually become the Powerpuff girls. Strong, confident, powerful, independent. "The beauty comes from within" kind of stuff. "If you don't like me the way I am, fuck you!". They paid their dues. Nothing to fear, nothing to loose. "When there's nothing to loose, there's peace of the mind". But that becomes quite boring. The peace of the mind, that is. Boys don't dig that, and girls like boys. And if they don't have something to loose, they create it. A little weakness, but not for everybody. No. Just for him. The smile, the look. A calculated risk after all, a small gamble, but still, there is VERY little to loose. Just for the sake of playing around a little. And you cannot play holding a sword in a hand and a shield in the other one, can you? So you put them right there next to you on the small table. In case of need, you'll just grab them in a split second. Always forgetting that "rusted wheels can't move on".

Boys hate themselves. They think their dicks are too small, too big, too lazy, too quick, too shy. A big nose, baldness, not enough money, not enough confidence, a funny walk, bad remarks, not a single promising future plan. There is always SOMETHING missing, always that couple of small things that would make such a hack of a difference. And they burn. They burn until there is nothing more to fuel the burn in there, so they become cold. Indifferent. "Whateva'" kind of attitude. Powerful. And when all the hope has long burned out, something happens. Totally unexpected, totally unprepared. Everything comes to life again, and it's all happening because of her. Yes, her, the Powerpuff girl that just decided to leave her sword on the table for a while. Always forgetting.. something.And they start playing the game. He doesn't know anything about her frustrations, and she loves that. On the other hand, she has no idea about his dark thoughts and self doubt, she just thinks he's the most wonderful guy on earth, and he most certainly enjoys this situation. So they kiss. And they fuck. They travel, laugh, make plans, enjoy dinners together, hold hands, sleep right next to each other. Discovering one another, empowering one another, alive again, after all those... weeks? Months? Years?

And they thrive. They build a home, make some kids, enjoy sunny weekend afternoons together. After a bad day at work, she always finds the comfort she needs in his warm arms and that gives her the power to move on. Her smile and good words of wisdom guides him throughout his hard moments and difficult choices. And they never get bored. And they never get tired. And they always find something new to discover and enjoy together.

After many years and good times they eventually get to exit this world, dying in their sleep, in the same warm autumn night.

Hush.. hush.. Sleep tight now :)

---

Enjoy: No Doubt - Don't Speak

The Total Energy of the Universe

2008-03-12T03:46:00.002+02:00

I know, this may be old news to you too, but it keeps amazing me every now and then: the total energy of the Universe is zero. Yes, that's right, 0. Nil. You know, that round circle that we use to symbolize "nothing".
How can this be? Well, Stephen Hawking explains it pretty simply in his A Brief History of Time book:

"There are something like ten million million million million million million million million million million million million million million (1 with eighty zeroes after it) particles in the region of the universe that we can observe. Where did they all come from? The answer is that, in quantum theory, particles can be created out of energy in the form of particle/antiparticle parts. But that just raises the question of where the energy came from. The answer is that the total energy of the universe is exactly zero. The matter in the universe is made out of positive energy. However, the matter is all attracting itself by gravity. Two pieces of matter that are close to each other have less energy than the same two pieces a long way apart, because you have to expend energy to separate them against the gravitational force that is pulling them together. Thus in a sense, the gravitational field has negative energy. In the case of a universe that is approximately uniform in space, one can show that this negative gravitational energy exactly cancels the positive energy represented by the matter. So the total energy of the universe is zero."

Yes, I've copy-pasted the quote from Ibn Azam's similar post that I've found while googling for "total energy of the universe", but I've read Hawking's book first, cross my heart :)

Now, I don't really want to get into the implications of such a statement. But I find it beautiful. And elegant. And simple. And ironic. And powerful. And science-compliant. And religion-compliant. It's just something worth thinking of every now and then :)

---

Enjoy: The Elegant Universe

Dating Rabbits

2008-03-10T02:49:00.002+02:00

Yes, that's right, dating rabbits. But I'm not talking about rabbits in general, don't be naive. It isn't like any rabbit would do, it has to be a special rabbit, a funny, educated, good-looking, wicked kind of rabbit with a bad-ass personality. It must be a rabbit that never gets you bored, that always knows how to cheer you up when you need it the most, always being there with its tricks that you know never fail in making you smile. I know what you think, how can you date a rabbit? They are small, mostly white, covered in fur, with some pretty long ears and a cute but not-so-smart-looking face. They don't talk, they don't think too much, they don't deliberately have sex with humans either! You can eat a rabbit, you can play with a rabbit, but how on earth will you date one? Well, let me explain it to you.
First of all, rabbits are cool. They seem preoccupied only by food and silly activities, but what you don't know is that rabbits are the most intelligent creatures on earth. They've just chosen to live a simple life, that's all. Secondly, rabbits are hot and have a pretty high libido. If you don't find a rabbit sexually attractive then I can assure you there's most certainly something wrong with you. Finding it bizarre and sick to have actual intercourse with a rabbit is just a proof of your narrow mindness. Look around you, the world is changing, and keeping it the old-fashion way by dating humans of the opposite sex is just a product of your resistance to this change. It's time for you to try something new, and deep inside, you know it. Habits must change, must evolve, in order to keep alive, otherwise you'll be just another sellout, just another burned-out person that silently waits for the end to come. I know it can be hard, I've been there. But you must overcome your frustrations and fears in order to actively survive. Hating rabbits? You can always go out with a dog, but that's already kind of old. Dogs are fine, but rabbits are much more entertaining and self-confident. Rabbits rule! Go get one!

---

Enjoy: Animal Collective - Who Could Win a Rabbit

Small Talk

2008-03-08T03:37:00.002+02:00

It is late so she finally decides to go to sleep. After preparing the bed and turning the lights off, she lies down on her side and partially covers herself with a blanket.

Random thoughts start flying around in her head, mostly about the day that just passed. A specific detail stands out from the rest, a thing that, at the moment when it happened, didn't seem all that important. But now that she comes to think about it, well, she sees it a little different; she finds it kind of peculiar. "Why did that happen, why did I react that way? It was pretty stupid of me to give that answer, I could have given a much more interesting one."

But that thought doesn't last for long, and the cloud of short random thoughts reappears. They are like bubbles from a glass of sparkling water, small and many, hard to follow all at once. She has the tendency to watch a particular bubble, from the moment it forms, throughout its short existence as it rises to the surface, until it disappears when reaching the air above the glass. Sometimes she grows tired of all those bubbles and she would just want to have some plain water instead. But the bubbles are always there, sparkling even stronger when she wants them to go away.What about tomorrow? There are certainly some things to be done the next day. She thinks about the timeline and the tasks of the day that starts in a few hours from now, and then her thoughts slip far away in the past. She thinks about a certain childhood memory and smiles a little.

But she knows there's no way to escape thinking about the thought. That particular thought, the one that keeps bouncing back every time she tries to get rid of it, the one that never gives her peace, the one that makes her feel weak and afraid. It is always there, just waiting for the right time to emerge, and although she already thought about it from every possible angle, considering every possible aspect related to it, this whole process keeps repeating itself, again and again, making her sick of it. "What more do you what from me? Didn't I already gave you enough of my time? Aren't you satisfied of how miserable I feel when I think of you? " She realizes she is talking with one of her own thoughts and doesn't quite know if she was thinking out loud or not. She can't remember, although it just happened, but finally she settles down being almost sure she wasn't. She turns herself on the other side and moves a little to find a cooler piece of sheet, puts her hand underneath her pillow and closes her eyes.

Then, something outrageous. Killing someone, where would she hide the body? Robbing a bank, how would she do it? She thinks about killing herself, but not seriously, just exploring the possibility. Then, a hard shift brings her to think about life in general. She gets a sense about how small she is and how insignificant her problems really are. "But they are significant to me!" she thinks. "It's true though, I should be more relaxed, less self aware. Why do I care so much about what other people think? It's not worth it, and moreover, I tend to act sillier when I do that. I am a pretty happy girl after all, I have many things to enjoy."

A few moments of peace, then the troubling thought comes back:

- You again? What do you want, you haven't got enough tonight?!
- Just wanting to say good night.
- Yeah, sure... Very funny...

---

Enjoy: Queens of the Stone Age - Mosquito song

Stupid Accidents

2008-03-05T03:22:00.003+02:00

This is how the Associated Press release sounds like, cold and professional:

"Austrian skier Matthias Lanzinger will have his lower left leg amputated due to complications after breaking his shin bones at a crash in Sunday's World Cup super-G in Norway. The double fracture severely damaged blood vessels which hampered blood circulation in the leg of the 27-year-old."

"Unfortunately, his injury was very serious because it seems that his foot was twisted several times around its own axis and this really damaged the bone and soft tissue", Doctor Lars Engebretsen said.
Just another stupid accident, right? This particular accident will put a 27-year-old skier in the situation of waking up from a medical-induced coma and feeling a part of him is missing. It will take him probably less then a second to realize he has only one leg now. That's sad, isn't it? We wouldn't like to be in his shoes right now; in fact, he will need only one from now on.

This is truly irreversible. He cannot hope to get his leg back someday. He cannot fight for it, he can't do anything about it. He just has to live like this for the rest of his life. And while he will struggle with this years to come, how much time do we grant thinking about this tragedy? One minute, two minutes? Maybe five? It's a sad story indeed, but we have our own problems, don't we? After all, we don't even know the guy. And while we will be drinking a couple of beers with some friends tonight, telling jokes and laughing, this guy we don't even know will be sitting in his hospital bed, staring at the ceiling and crying. But that's just the things are, I suppose.

There are probably thousands of stupid accidents worldwide happening everyday, tragedies that change in a split second a person's life. We cannot do anything about it, and thinking of it won't do anybody any good. All we can do is be grateful it didn't happen to us and carry on with our lives.

It was about 11 years ago. I was 13 years old and it was winter. I had just started to ski for about a year, and even though I was a beginner, I was going very fast, almost in a straight line down the ski slope. Now I think I would be terrified to go down at that kind of speeds, but back then, I wasn't afraid, even though I was falling down all the time. And then, in a particular day, on a certain location of the upper part of the Predeal slope, I fell. And as I was snowballing down the slope, waiting for my body, which I had no control upon, to come to a stop, I suddenly felt my right foot being twisted. Like in Lanzinger case, one of the ski bindings didn't release the ski. During accidents, time tends to expand itself, and you actually get to analyze what you are going through while it is happening. The twisting lasted for a fraction of a second, and I eventually came to a halt. The pain lasted for no more then five minutes. Then the rescuers came, got me to a hospital, I was diagnosed with a double fracture and got my leg put in a plaster cast for about a month and a half. I was very lucky the bones haven't moved much and I didn't need an operation.

There were many times in which I was "lucky", and most probably, so have you. Matthias Lanzinger wasn't, though. But there are other ways of looking at things.

---

Enjoy: Hand in hand

Sibiu Strikes Back

2008-03-01T14:13:00.001+02:00

Natural Self in Sibiu. Why not? :P See you there :)

The Doors

2008-02-28T02:14:00.004+02:00

There is a room. A simple room, with a floor and a ceiling. You know it way too well by now. Every little corner, every piece of furniture, every outlet, every switch. You like the room, after all, you're the one who picked it up and arranged it the way it is right now. Maybe you would like to do some small changes, to move a couple of objects around, to buy a new carpet, paint the walls in a different color, maybe redecorate. You are always seeking for a kind of change, for a kind of improvement. And that's a good thing, you'll say. Putting this neat coffee table right here next to the bed would add a fresh feel to the room, also bringing along a functional use. After a couple of years, throwing that old coffee table to the garbage would seem an even greater idea.

And after a while, after exploring and improving the room again and again, you start wondering if maybe it is time to change the room itself. You may just need a new project, a new room, that may be hard to find, but if you do, it may be perfect. Or maybe it will need just a couple of small changes to be perfect. So you start looking for an exit. You're not rushing, cause you feel kind of comfy. You find your eyes wondering on the walls from time to time, looking for a forgotten door, probably covered in many layers of paint. And soon enough you are thrilled to find out that the room has plenty of doors. Actually, the walls themselves are made of doors, just waiting to be discovered by you. In the same time, you are a little scared, not knowing or not remembering what will happen if you try to open such a door. Some of them are big massive doors with inscriptions describing the room that they lead to; others are small and fragile, giving you no clue about what may be on the other side. You start to realize that you don't have the time to try them all, so what should you do? What if you pick a door that leads to a small dirty room and then you'll get stuck there, not being able to find the way back? Maybe you have already done this a couple of times in the past, maybe this is the way you have found the room you are sitting in right now.
You look around and you find yourself pleased with it. You start walking around in circles in the middle of the room. You where thinking about buying a new fluffy blanket, hoping you'll sleep better, but now you don't know anymore. And all you can see right now are all these doors waiting to be opened all around you. They are starting to become bothering, so you decide to cover them with a new layer of paint, but for whatever reason, the new paint won't stick. It just falls down leaving the doors more visible than ever. You close your eyes, but you realize you won't be able to keep them close forever. You try to think rational about it. What can it be so wonderful behind one of these doors, why put in all the effort to try to open them, why take any chances? You already know the whole drill, you will find just another room and the best case scenario is that you'll like it, start redecorating it after a while and then inevitably... So why?

Fuck the doors, you say. You don't need the doors, you'll take them down one by one, cover them with bricks or just set them on fire, right? The doors are pointless, none of them gets you out of your own house, in which all the rooms are pretty much the same, in a way. Or maybe there is that special door that you heard about, the entrance door. But do you really want to spend all your time searching for that door, and for what? For going out, in the cold? Maybe it's raining outside, do you know what rain is? Tell me, DO YOU KNOW WHAT RAIN IS, you stupid bastard, ungrateful son of a bitch? Oh, you think you do? YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT! But after a while you get to learn.

There is a room. A simple room, with a floor but with no ceiling. You don't know if it's the same room, but the doors are gone now, you've covered them in thick layers of brick. And when it rains, you just cover yourself with an old blanket and turn off the lights. You look at the sky and you smile. Good night :)

---

Enjoy: The Doors - Break On Through

Emmy 2.0 and more

2008-02-25T22:10:00.002+02:00

I finally managed to get out of bed. I've laid down the whole day having a pretty nasty cold that put me in a semi-conscience mode for the last 24 hours. It's that kind of cold that makes you feel like you're high all the time; even now, writing this blog entry feels a little unreal to me. And I keep having the same blurry thoughts and dreams over and over again, it's like I'm blocked in a temporal loop. But enough about that.

I know I left the impression I've been pretty lazy lately, but that isn't actually entirely true. The last couple of days (the past weekend) I've been working on Emmy, finalizing her relaunch (that I have been promising for some time now). She has her own domain now, a brand new look that kicks ass, she is smarter, funnier and has a stronger personality. She is still young and there are a lot of things to be done in order to improve her, but I hope this is an important step forward for our little Taste Kid.
As it for me, I'm a little tired. Tired of those little monsters, tired of me. But despite this, I get a stronger feel that life actually IS fair, at least with me. Running away from it all won't do me any good. I just have to keep strong and face it, as lame as it sounds, because I still have hope that, if I do so, some kind of simple and beautiful solution will eventually emerge from all those complex and incompatible equations. Expecting the unexpected is all we have sometimes, but that is quite a thing, I tell you.

---

Enjoy: Ugress - Loungemeister

An Apple a Day Keeps Us Away

2008-02-21T03:49:00.004+02:00

Don't give up hope. Seize the day. Don't be afraid. Don't let life slip through your fingers by living in the past or in the future. Live simply. Free your mind, give more, expect less. Ten rules for success. Ten rules for happiness.

Do you want more? I can give you more. Order your priorities, focus on substance, empower yourself, avoid the unhappy and unlucky, develop yourself by self-discipline. And there is more. So much more. Thousands of books, brilliant minds, wise people with extensive life experience giving advices, suggesting good life practices and philosophies to be followed in order to achieve some kind of self-peace and happiness. The result? Almost null. We keep struggling with the same issues and make the same mistakes, over and over again, generation after generation. Although is kind of catchy to call an action a mistake post factum.I'm not trying to discredit all these advices. Some of them are in fact very good and effective, truly wisdom goldmines; if taken in consideration, that is. But this is the tricky part. These advices make a kind of sense for those who, through their own life experiences, are starting to develop the same beliefs. And that's the key right there, it's all about our own experiences. We can use some advices as guidelines, but recipes seem to work only around kitchens.

And then, despite the "there are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots" thingie, I ask myself, why? Why are we so stubborn, so reluctant to trust and learn from other people's experiences, given the amazing capability of humans to share these experiences? Why can't I perceive at least a modest improvement in the general way of life, from one generation to the next? And no, I don't believe it all comes down to our egos, skepticism and disbeliefs. I don't think we are not listening because we are stupid or way too self-absorbed.

Instead, I think that all these advices can only be defined in the context of certain previous life experiences, otherwise they have little or no meaning. Even if we totally trust a particular advice, we cannot understand it unless we get a sense of how it feels to disobey it. Our learning mechanisms are strongly experience-based, and so we don't fear a certain action or retain from it, especially if it is a pleasurable one, unless we feel some kind of pain in the first place. Until then, it's just another forbidden tree for us, and it seems we have a habit of eating big red apples from such trees.

Why can't we just eat oranges? We can, but we choose apples. We don't know how they taste, but the simple possibility that they may taste better is enough for us, despite all warnings. And that's pretty much what we are all about.

---

Enjoy: Morcheeba - Enjoy The Ride

The Judge Within

2008-02-19T03:22:00.001+02:00

Either we like it or not, he is always there. Sometimes he may fall asleep for a couple of hours, days, or even more, but he always wakes up eventually, and when he does so, he seems to know what we've been doing while he was sleeping. We try to run from him or we use tricks to deceive him, to hide things from him, but that never works, and the more we are doing it, the angrier he becomes.
Is he good, is he bad? Should we praise him for being a kind of moral compass that keeps us from destroying ourselves, should we hate him for causing us suffering and try to overcome his power, to defeat him?

An interesting observation about the judge within, and about us, is that we never get upset on him about his past actions. Although he can make our present miserable, we tend to get to thank him for that after a while. Or is it just me?

---

Enjoy: Silversun Pickups - Rusted Wheel

Binefacere.ro

2008-02-16T21:54:00.002+02:00

Iata ca nici nu s-a linistit inca micul haos creat de Invatamantul.ro (care a avut peste 1000 de vizitatori in primele cateva zile si a iscat ceva controverse - va multumesc celor ce m-au ajutat sa il promovez ;;) ), ca vin cu un nou proiectel.

Binefacere.ro este un blog in care o sa postez cazuri punctuale de oameni care au nevoie de ajutor. Nu are in spate nicio organizatie, nicio institutie sau persoana juridica, just me :) Daca aveti idee de astfel de cazuri (sunt convins ca sunt destule), daca aveti vreo propunere, sugestie, orice, let me know.

Cand mi-a venit ideea cu Binefacere.ro m-am gandit ca multi dintre noi ar vrea si ar putea sa faca un bine, sa ajute pe cineva, insa nu prea stim cum. Nu este o dorita suficient de arzatoare ca sa ne agitam prea mult in directia asta, si ca atare, daca nu dam in urmatoarele 5 minute peste un cersetor, aceasta zboara, ramane nefolosita. Pe de alta parte, sunt atatea cazuri de oameni in situatii disperate, care de multe ori nu au nevoie de un ajutor prea mare pentru a iesi din necazul in care se afla. Ca atare m-am gandit ca o punte de legatura intre noi si ei, sau intre noi si noi, Intre oameni, mai bine zis, ar putea fi utila.

What If

2008-02-15T02:13:00.003+02:00

What if I was somebody else? What if I was this bus driver, running around in circles for my whole life? What if I was that fancy dude posing near his muscle car, always obsessed about the way I look and about the ladies? What if I was that guy over there that looks like a mad scientist, living in its own world filled with formulas and crazy experiments? What if I was the skinny kid standing on the sidewalk, which will most probably outlive me? What if I was a firefighter or a policeman, a killer, a rapist?
What if I was a girl? What if I was a prostitute, having sex with many different guys every night? What if I was a bitchy fat-ass woman leading a big company, that everybody would hate but still be frighten of? What if I was her, the cute girl standing in front of me, what would I be thinking about the weird guy staring at me in this very moment? What if I was you?

Is it that obsolete to ask this question? Is it bizarre, is it pathetic, is it pointless, is it self-indulgent, is it childish, is it overused? It's not some deep theory I'm trying to pull, I'm just curious sometimes. I know I should have got used to who I am by now, and I did, but still I wonder.

I wouldn't be me, right? It's as simple as that. It's nonsense, a stupid question. But then again, I have a lot of stupid questions, just waiting in line, like good little children.

---

Enjoy: Zero 7 - In The Waiting Line

Patience

2008-02-11T03:40:00.000+02:00

Sometimes it's all about a little bit of patience. It is an underrated virtue that holds many answers and that is, many times, laughed upon nowadays. Everything has to happen fast, we all aim for over night successes, instant money, fame or power. Maybe we just want to be a little happier, maybe we are not asking for much, but we are always trying to find shorter paths, which isn't a bad thing in itself. Sometimes though, we get obsessed and we expect everything to happen in seconds, hours, or at most, days. We get mad and frustrated if things don't work out how we plan, we start doing things we know aren't good for us, and somehow, this anger of ours decreases the chances to have what we desire so much.
I know that sometimes you feel that time is running out. I know sometimes you just don't see it happening although you think you deserve it to happen, and that makes you angry. But try think about your past, and how the best things in your life happen somehow unexpectedly, with little or no plans at all. Don't become a grouch, it's too early for that. Keep a little bit of open heart, keep a little bit of open mind, and things will eventually work out for you :)

---

Enjoy: Green Day - The Grouch live (vintage stuff :P)

Punk Rock Underfest 3

2008-02-09T05:27:00.000+02:00

Astazi, 9 febriarie, la Fabrica (11 Iunie street, no. 50): 3 feet smaller, From Dawn to Fall, Pistol cu Capse, Spot, Chester, Recycle Bin. Biletul costa 25 RON (si sper sa se mai gaseasca :D). C u there.

---

Enjoy: 3 Feet Smaller - Reason Unknown

LATER EDIT (2/11/2008 12:07AM):
Review: Facut vanataie, pierdut shoe la pogo (recuperat ulterior), PCC vioi ca deobicei (pistol cu laser:))), 3 feet smaller austrieci tembeli si haiosi.. one more thing, the romanian bodyguard mentality: "umm.. umm.. tre sa dau pe cineva afara.. tre sa dau pe cineva afara.. nu mai pot sa ma abtin.. HEI TU DE-ACOLO!". So lame.

Invatamantul.ro

2008-02-06T02:10:00.000+02:00

Am lansat la panza Invatamantul.ro.

Este vorba despre un "one-article website" (cel putin deocamdata). Articolul este despre situatia REALA a invatamantului romanesc, abuzurile, ineficienta, incompetenta, coruptia si falsitatea ce troneaza in acest sistem. M-am straduit sa fac o analiza obiectiva si cat mai bine structurata si sa scot in evidenta modul in care elevii si studentii sunt victimele fara aparare a intrereselor, a incompetentei si a lipsei de constiinta a celor ce administraza acest sistem.

Dupa cum unii dintre voi stiti, eu am terminat de curand cu scolicile si ca atare subiectul nu ma mai afecteaza in mod direct, dar mi s-a parut de bun-simt ca macar acum, in ceasul al paisprezecelea, sa depun un efort si sa vorbesc despre niste lucruri pe care toti le cunoastem, insa le uitam dupa ce terminam scoala.

Mi-a luat vreo doua saptamani sa scriu, corectez, rescriu cu diacritice, recorectez, modific si re-recorectez articolul asta pentru ca am vrut sa fie cat mai coerent, la obiect, relevant si edificator. Apoi inca cateva nopti pierdute sa fac mini-site-uletul asta si sa il pun online, asa ca daca sunt un pic incoerent in acest post, please forgive me, dar deabia mai vad monitorul :)

Cum cel mai probabil subiectul este deranjant pentru unii, desi voi face o tentativa zilele urmatoare de a mediatiza articolul asta nu stiu in ce masura am sanse de reusita. Ca atare ma bazez si pe voi (mai ales cei care inca sunt prin scolici) sa facem un mic efort si sa ne revendicam putin dreptul la o copilarie si tinerete mai placuta si la un invatamant mai eficient (mai putin efort, mai multe cunostinte).

Putina revolutie nu strica niciodata :D

Dar inainte de toate, putin somnic.

P.S.: nu va sfiiti sa fiti primii care comenteaza articolul, veti intra in istorie :P
P.P.S.: Da, da, stiu ca e vacanta, dar nu dureaza mult :|

Running Hard yet Standing Still

2008-02-02T03:51:00.001+02:00

Throughout the thousands of generations of our species we have always tried to improve the quality of our lives in order to get closer to the feeling that we call well-being. From the first animal skin we've thrown on our backs to keep us worm during the cold winters back in the good old cave days, to the latest sophisticated controlled climate building systems, we've come a long way. We have indeed succeeded, with painstakingly determination, to create an artificial global environment that serves the purpose of minimizing our efforts and improving the ways we can achieve our desires.

From the huge transport infrastructure that allows us to get almost anywhere on earth in a matter of hours and the worm hotel beds that awaits for us there, to the amazing technologies that simplifies our work and the thousands of legal and illegal drugs that keeps us away from pain, we are constantly and desperately trying to reduce our suffering, to increase the quantity and quality of out pleasures and to ease our lives. But have we succeeded?If us today compare our lives to the ones our ancestors where living, we would definitely give a positive answer. We would feel pity for them, for their hard working conditions, for their poor healthcare, shorter life expectancy and bad living conditions. But this is because, in the meantime, we have created these new life standards through which we judge theirs. Our minds cannot comprehend the fact that, when the caveman was covering himself with the animal skin, that worm feeling was for him the exact match of our own feeling when we turn on our fancy heating devices. He wasn't thinking "this skin keeps me a little worm, but I would do so much better in a house with a central heating system" in the same way we are thinking that we have a pretty good life standard. But this standard of ours will become as primitive as the caveman's, one day.

We are constantly pushing our own desires and standards further on so we can chase them again and again, but somehow, the underlying feelings of comfort, pleasure, suffering and pain remain exactly the same throughout our existence as a species. Makes me wonder, why bother?

---

Enjoy: The Paper Chase - Don't You Wish You Had Some More?

Envy me and envy you

2008-01-27T16:12:00.000+02:00

If you're poor, you'll envy the rich, if you're sick, you'll envy the healthy, if you're alone, you'll envy those who aren't. And don't tell me you've never did it :P

But try to realize that you perceive what they do have, and probably you don't, through your own emotional receptors, through your own frustrations, through your own feelings. If you are poor, you'll not envy the rich for their actual physical money, but for the pleasures and happiness you assume they bring along. The rich though, don't enjoy those qualities or possessions that you envy as much as you think they do.
You most probably can walk. But there are people that can't, and a person stuck for life in a wheel-chair can look at you, envy you because you can walk, and in a way, consider that you should be a very happy person. Can you blame him, or her? Can you imagine your life in a wheel-chair, dreaming for the day when you would walk again, a day that you know will never come? But still, because you can walk, you don't think about it. You are not going around smiling and just being happy and enjoying your walking capabilities, aren't you? You just take it for granted and focus on your own problems. And this is exactly how the ones you envy treat the things they have.

I think all of us have things we wish for and things we have, we take for granted and that other people wish to have, and don't. So what's the point of envy? Trading places would only mean trading some wishes and frustrations for other ones, that we know little about. Envy is a futile, shallow feeling.

---

Enjoy: Lali Puna: Micronomic

Routine

2008-01-24T02:51:00.000+02:00

We all have our daily routines. We get up in the morning and we pretty much know how our day will unfold, unless some unexpected events occur. We might go to school or to work, or just hang around the house for a while, we might meet with some friends, talk a little, laugh a little, but eventually we get back home, we watch some TV or spend some time on the net and then inevitably we go to sleep.

And that's the way pretty much all of our days pass through... What can we do? What should we do? We are, in a way, killing our own time, repeating ourselves over and over, and then, we start wining about how short life is. What would you do if your life would have been longer? Probably doing the same things, for a longer period of time. And still, some people achieve somehow many things throughout their limited and sometimes very short lifetime.We don't have to chase the unexpected, we don't necessary have to do crazy things just to feel alive. But with every single second of our lives comes an infinite spectrum of choices and possible actions. If, right now, while you are reading this paragraph, you raise your hand in the air, you've changed history: you've created a parallel universe different from the one in which you have never moved your arm in this very second. The implications of such an action seem to be insignificant, but we all know about the butterfly effect.

Instead of following the usual path to safety, we can take a sudden turn from time to time, just to see what happens, just to explore. You might be surprised. And when you think about doing something, stop measuring the implications of your action over and over again: it's something very hard to measure. Just... give it a try, see what happens, don't be afraid :) You have much less to loose then you think. Good luck! :D

---

Enjoy: daydream in blue

Expirat 2 Other Side

2008-01-22T03:00:00.000+02:00

"Da ma s-a deschis in locul magazinului aluia de haine, nu stii, era o usa acolo pe holu spre buda, in dreapta, ba in stanga, cum sa nu stii ba ai vazut-o de atatea ori! Si era magazinu ala acolo!". Trebuie sa recunosc ca am o memorie destul de selectiva, asa ca afirmatia asta mi-a trezit putin interesul. Ce usa? Doar am fost acolo saptamana trecuta... un club nou in care se intra printr-o usa dubioasa de langa buda? Hmm :-?

Asa ca sambata seara dupa o tentativa esuata de a intra in fabrica (aglomeratie mare, nu se mai putea intra) am zis noi sa vedem ce si cum.

Ajungem la expirat si, pe cealalta parte a coltului cu expiratul, vedem o usa... scrie "Other Side", hmm, other side of expirat, aici tre sa fie ba.

Deschidem usa si ce sa vedem? Doi bodyguard-zi imbracati la costum negru, curatei, spalatei, cu okie-talkie-uri dalea smechere la lavariela, dar cu niste fete vagi cunoscute... Platim intrarea ne stampilam si coboram niste scari.

Si iata-ne ajunsi in expirat 2.. ahh, scuuuze, Other Side :D. Primul lucru pe stanga, un DJ mixand la niste viniluri, stylish asa. Iar in fata, multa, foarte multa lume. Si a inceput strecuratul prin multime, imbrancelile, saluturile din priviri sau scurtele discutii cu persoanele cunoscute si toate celelalte chestiute care ne fac atat de multa placere.

Prima impresie a fost simpla: genial. Geniala miscare. Un club nou, ceva mai fancy, cu pereti fluffy, cu muzica ceva mai funky, lipit de expirat. Dar asta nu este tot. Se pare ca usa aia chiar exista, si da, se poate trece din Expirat 1 in Expirat 2 (si invers!). Genial. Si erau mai toti acolo, Brigada la barul din expirat 1, sober dupa cum ne-a obsnuit cu greu de ceva vreme incoace :P, Sosa plimbaret ca deobicei stand la discutii cu necunoscutii, ba cred ca l-am vazut si pe Vlad care parea oarecum scarbit de ce se intampla in jurul lui :))
Ii stiu de cand au deschis primul expirat din vama (nu, nu ala de pe plaja, ala de langa bibi, ehee, pe vremea mea...). Apoi cand s-a deschis expiratul din Bucuresti, hehe, ce veste a fost si aia si ce ne entuziasmasem noi de beciul ala cu pamant si nisip pe jos, pe care insa in fiecare an il mai renovau, il mai imbunatateau, pastrand in acelasi timp doza de "undergound" necesara pentru a nu ne oripila de tot :P

Eu am spus demult ca marca Expirat va deveni un fel de Pacha pentru Romania. Iar motivul este simplu, pentru ca stiu sa evolueze. Acum, in ce masura aceasta "evolutie" este buna, e discutabil. Conteaza evident din punctul cui de vedere privesti lucrurile. Pentru ei cu siguranta este buna, afla din ce in ce mai multa lume de expirat si fac din ce in ce mai multi bani. Daca asta ii face sa fie mai binedispusi decat erau in primu an de expirat in vama, iar e discutabil, dar nah, this is life. Pentru nostalgicii expiratului de pogo, alcool ieftin si punk, lucrurile au inceput sa miroasa de mai demult iar acest expirat 2 intareste si mai mult mirosul de sellouts. Eu voi privi insa obiectiv toata chestia si voi afirma ca este o evolutie fireasca si reusita. Plus ca oricum, intre timp a mai aparut shire-ul in vama, suburbia, exista optiuni, putem s-o ardem divers, nu e panica.

Au stiut din nou sa vina la jumatatea drumului in asteptarea publicului. Punkistii si alternativistii de 15-16-17 ani au mai crescut si ei, si-au mai tuns crestele, au mai auzit si ei de un DJ, au mai fumat, s-au mai linistit si parca nu le mai arde doar de pogo. Asa ca ia sa le oferim si asta, dar nu, nu deschidem un club in alta parte, ii lasam sa treaca asa dintr-o parte in alta, sa le facem tranzitia usoara :) Si in the process, noi facem foarte multi bani din asta si toata lumea este fericita.

O singura critica punctuala am sa le aduc: tonele de gheata pe care le pun in toate bauturile. La 12 lei cocktail-ul, cocktail care costa probabil 2 lei de facut, chiar e musai sa umpleti paharul ala 3 sferturi cu gheata? Nu-i vorba neaprat ca vreau eu sa beau mult alcool, dar dupa 5 minute, gheata aia se topeste si ajungi sa bei numai apa, se duce tot gustul, unde mai este profesionalismul cu care ne-ati abisnuit? [-(. E o chestie de "respect pentru consumator", daca chiar stati sa dati faliment scumpiti bauturile da' nu mai dati 10 cuburi de gheata bonus in fiecare pahar! Ei, gata am spus-o.

Aaah, si inca ceva. Faza cu 21 de ani. Cum mai, ati crescut pe seama generatiei asteia, de 15-20 de ani, si acum, ca v-ati asigurat un public mai pasnic si cu mai multi bani, nu ii mai lasati sa intre inuntru? Inteleg ca e business-wise, da' nu-i frumos.

In rest, numai de bine. Sunt convins ca veti avea succes in continuare in ceea ce faceti. Expiratul este din ce in ce mai putin un loc pentru pustimea rebela si devine un loc pentru tinerii urbani, studenti sau absolventi ce cocheteaza cu muzica electronica dar inca nu ii lasa inima sa nu se zbenguie putin pe E.M.I.L. dupa niste alcool. Sper totusi ca va ramane mereu o doza din ceea ce ati avut la inceput, pentru ca acel ceva v-a adus unde v-a adus si stiti bine asta. Mai sunt in Bucuresti cluburi fancy, mai sunt localuri electronice asa cum mai sunt spelunci de roackeri habotnici. Trebuie sa va pozitionati undeva intre aceste doua categorii ca sa ramaneti expirat. Bodyguard-zii aia imbracati frumushel trebuie sa stie in continuare sa isi pastreze calmul cand cineva boraste prin club sau se pune de niste pogo mai spre dimineata. Si cam asta cu expiratul nostru.

Ptiu, si am zis ca ma invat si eu sa nu mai scriu post-uri asa lungi ca's ne-user-friendly!

---

Enjoy: OCS- Ajutor (cu tot cu pogo) (@expirat, poor quality, nu am gasit nimic mai decent :( )

Pride

2008-01-18T01:56:00.000+02:00

"The essential vice, the utmost evil, is Pride. It was through Pride that the devil became the devil." C.S. Lewis

Funny thing... Pride. I come to think we don't pay enough attention to it, but that's maybe just because it's under our skin. We don't think too much about our own blood either.

Pride is, according to answers.com, "A sense of one's own proper dignity or value; self-respect". That doesn't sound too bad, right? Of course there are other meanings of the word, one of them being "an excessively high opinion of oneself". This second definition gives a negative perspective on this concept, merely by the use of the adjective "excessively", which can lead us to the opinion that Pride becomes a bad thing if it exceeds certain limits. So we can assume that Pride is an acceptable thing until it reaches a certain value and leads to Arrogance. We don't like arrogant people and we would never think of ourselves as being such.
We think of Pride as an abstract concept often present in some other people we dislike. But Pride is present in every single one of us and it takes a lot of shapes we don't think about, or we don't want to think about.

You look at a guy showing off with his new mobile phone or other gadget in some public space and you have a certain feeling about it. He is indeed manifesting pride through his showing off, but that feeling of yours is exactly the same thing: you feel superior, you think you are better by not doing that particular type of showing off. It doesn't matter WHY you feel superior, in fact I think that showing off with a new gadget or car is a more innocent Pride act than the superiorness felt by the ones that witness such an event.

Let's take another simple example: clothing. Let's say you're a girl and you see another girl dressed up (you think) more or less like a whore: high heeled shiny leather boots, lacy tops and all that. She is manifesting Pride, indeed. But let's look a little bit at you also. You probably aren't dressed up like that, but you have probably chosen some clothes you think you look good in. Exactly like her. Sure maybe you have better tastes, but unless you shop randomly just to put something on, not to catch a cold, unless you've never admired yourself in a mirror, you are manifesting proudness just like her. And the added value of pride in your case is that you feel superior by having better tastes than she does. And even if you really aren't interested in the way you look, you probably think that you are too smart to think about such details. And that's an even greater manifestation of Pride.

The more intelligent a person is, the more civilized a society becomes, more subtle the ways of manifesting proudness emerge. Of course in a civilized country fewer rich people consider that buying a big shiny car is a way of showing of but there are always other, better, cooler, neater ways of doing it. Why do actors perform? For the sound of applauses. Why do scientists brainstorm themselves and work towards a certain discovery? For having their names associated with that particular piece of science. These confirmations of our own value are all manifestations of Pride.

Pride is both mankind's progression engine and its essential vice.

But why is Pride bad after all? Why is it "the utmost evil"? Sure all religions teach us that, but why? I think that the answer is pretty simple and you don't have to believe in God to see that Pride leads to suffering. The prouder you are, the more you'll suffer, sooner or later. And there is, again, a simple explanation for that, you don't have to believe in some written or unwritten laws of the Universe: the prouder you are, the higher your expectations of your value recognition will be. And the higher these expectations are the more likely is that sooner or later you will be disappointed, and disappointment leads to suffering.

So in the end, all we achieve through Pride is two things: progress and suffering. And that seems to be our destiny.

---

Enjoy: Hooverphonic - Vinegar & Salt

Bridge

2008-01-16T21:27:00.000+02:00

I've not bailed out, I'm just preparing a relaunch for Emmy and I've got pretty much obsessed with it :|
I hope her new domain will soon be mine so I can start the actual transfer, with everything that comes along. It's not like she has millions of visitors every day but I would like it all to go as smooth as possible. More details about her in my relaunch post (I hope that will happen pretty soon, keep your fingers crossed :P).

In the meantime, I suggest you enjoy the Suicidal Squirrels ;))

---

Enjoy: Suicidal Squirrels #5: Paint Job

Short Transcript After a Long Night

2008-01-13T16:23:00.000+02:00

Expirat, aglomeratie mare, coafura rezista dar baieteii converseaza la buda mai spre dimineata, una alta:

Boy #1 (singing): Who the fuck is Alice?!
Boy #1 (catre Boy #2): Bai! Bai, auzi?! Tu stii ma cine e Alice? Zi ba, ai idee cine e Alice?
Boy #2: Da ba normal, crezi ca-s prost sau ce?..
Boy #2: Alice e aia din.. Tara Minunilor.. Dar lasa asta.. ia zi tu stii cine e Marta?
Boy #1 bombane, Boy #2 da sa plece
Boy #1: stai ba asa.. nu mi-ai zis, cine-i Marta asta?
Boy #2: Habar n-am.. de unde sa stiu eu cine e Marta.. !?

;))

The Brain-Chemistry Theory

2008-01-10T02:47:00.000+02:00

Serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin, phenylethylamine, acetylcholine...

I've never been a chemistry fan. Actually I think I attended around 10 hours of all the chemistry classes throughout my high school (obviously with the help of having a very tolerant teacher). Without being the most appealing thing to learn, chemistry holds a lot of explanations about a lot of things.

Among these is the familiar "brain chemistry" theory which links the majority of our moods, states of mind and to a certain extent, our own personality to the specific dosage of particular substances in our brains. Are you depressed? Most probably you have a deficiency of norepinephrine and/or serotonin. Do you have an aggressive behavior? Well, that's because you have a low level of monoamine oxidase A (MAO A). And so on..
Professional studies recognized by the medical community have been performed over the years and tend to find more and more links between human behavior or personality and brain chemistry. There is of course quite a bit of controversy surrounding these scientific findings: the more we think of our personalities as products of the specific dosage of chemical substances in our brains, the less we can think about free will and freedom of choice. After all, a serial killer might just have a strong chemical imbalance in his brain that makes the action of murdering someone irresistible to him, just like some of us cannot retain from eating chocolate, cheating or drinking. He might not be such an evil person after all, right? If he had been taking some pills maybe he wouldn't have been committing all those terrible crimes.. After all, there are a lot of pills out there, and drug companies specialized in this kind of products, like anti-depressants, products that temper with our brain chemistry in order to fix us up. And many times, they work out fine. So is this it? We just have to pop up a pill and fix our problems?

I've read some articles about this theory in order to better understand the current views on the subject, and the most impartial article I've found states the following:

"The chief problem with the view of depression as a consequence of a "chemical imbalance in the brain" is the fact that depression can be both triggered by and resolved by life events. [...] In fact, the relationship between brain chemistry and experience is a two-directional phenomenon: Life experience affects brain chemistry at least as much as brain chemistry affects life experience. [...] The "chemical imbalance" hypothesis is not wrong. It's just not entirely correct."

Although we will instinctively reject a theory that states chemistry entirely rules our lives, it's pretty obvious it plays a major role in the way we perceive things and in the way we feel.

---

Enjoy: Arctic Monkeys - A view from the afternoon

The Hedonism Paradox

2008-01-08T03:23:00.000+02:00

The hedonist thinks that pleasure is the only thing that is good for a person. According to a hedonist manifesto, the hedonists "want joyful togetherness, anarchy, epicurean ideas, multifaceted joy, sensuality, diversion, friendship, justice, tolerance, freedom, sexual freedom, sustainability, peace, free access to information, the arts, a cosmopolitan existence, and a world without borders or discrimination, and everything else that is wonderful but not a reality today". Every action is evaluated in terms of how much pleasure and how little pain (suffering) they produce. It sounds pretty straightforward and as we think about it, we all are, to some extent, hedonists. After all, we all seek pleasure and run away from pain. We can easily state that this philosophy is nothing more that a natural theoretical wrap-around of our own instinctive behavior.

So why shouldn't we all adopt this view? Why shouldn't we all just set aside all our problems, dilemmas, frustrations and suffering and make room for as much fun as we can? After all, life is short and we should enjoy it. Old people rarely regret things that they have done, they most often regret things that, for whatever reason, they didn't. So let as worry less and experiment more. Let us laugh, get drunk, get high, sleep around, go out, travel, go to concerts, go to festivals.. and everything else we consider to be a pleasurable activity. Of course, some of these activities have a clear self-destructive potential, but this potential can also be taken into account when we do the math of utility and if we are wise enough, we can prevent things getting out of control and still effectively chase and achieve pleasure. Or can we?

From Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin and Sid Vicious to Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan there is a long line of famous people that apparently had it all. Where they all hedonists? Maybe not. Although they all have very different characters, there are certain things they have in common: they all once had the resources, the means and the capabilities to achieve great pleasures and satisfactions and still, despite the fact that some of them where quite intelligent, we can hardly tell that they've succeeded.

It seems that, the more we rise in our chase for pleasures, the harder the fall will be. But why should there ever be a fall?

The majority of these public figures had falls somehow related to drugs. But drugs are just a form of setting aside the pain and feeling good. Why do people take them? The simple answer would be to achieve a form of pleasure. We are all aware of what happens if you take too many drugs. And besides the physical addiction there is always the psychological one. This addiction is not actually related to the drug itself, but to the pleasure it brings along. So after all, the pleasure itself is addictive, and as with any other addiction, tolerance is developed and more and more quantities of the drug (pleasurable activities) are necessary to achieve the much desired sensation of pleasure. Common sense tells us that this spiral cannot last forever. If we run away from pain and we chase pleasures, there will be a fall. It's not a superstition, it's not a lesson of ethics. Hedonism is, in itself, a paradox, in my opinion. It is a little like communism, it sounds good but it's not compatible with human nature.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not preaching you about how we should live our lives. First of all I don't like preaching, and then, "I understand the fascination, I've even been there once or twice, or more". All I'm saying is that when we choose to climb a tree we should first think if we can sustain a fall from its top. But that's easy to say..

---

Enjoy: Skunk Anansie - Hedonism

Positive

2008-01-06T20:29:00.000+02:00

Back.

Am fost pe la munte cateva zile. Mai exact, am plecat cu vreo 2 ore inainte sa inceapa haosul in Bucuresti, miercuri pe la 11 seara. La munte (Predeal) era frigut, zapada, frumos asa. Fara viscole insa sau ninsori abundente. Am fost la partie joi si vineri, m-am dat cu placa. Dupa doua zile de dat ma durea fiecare muschiulet, fiecare oscior si incheietura, ca ce sa faci, cand e gheata pana si expertii mai cad, iar cum eu nu sunt expert.. :-" Dar a fost foarte placut asa, nimic nu egaleaza vintul fiert dupa o zi pe partie :D Iar acum, inapoi in Bucuresti, maine reincepe rutina, dar mi se pare tare Bucurestiul asa dezorganizat si plin de zapada.. un Bucuresti mai inedit decat deobicei. Ah si ce mult am putut sa dorm, vreo 16 ore asa, cu mici pauze, de ieri seara pana azi pe la pranz. Un somn de refacere asa, de relaxare. Buun, si s-au dus si sarbatorile, bradutii, cadouasele si celelate chestiute.

Inca 6 luni pana la vara. Ei, dar trec ele lunile, nu e asta panica. Tam-tam-tam si vine vara frumos mare soare calatorii si alte patanii. Dupaia iar cateva luni si vin iar sarbatorile munte zapada partie ceiuturi vinuturi cadouase si poate o sa fie si mai frumos decat anu asta. Eu asa sper 8-> Ei, dar ce ziceti de optimistul din mine? ;;) Nu ca as fi rezolvat ceva sau ca as fi ajuns la vreo concluzie, dar asa sunt eu, mai "distrat", cum zicea cineva ;))

---

Enjoy: Whatever makes you smile :)

You, Me, the Chimps and a Happy New Year!

2007-12-31T18:28:00.000+02:00

Sometimes I realize I'm walking on thin ice with my blogs. Sometimes I think playing safe would have been so much better.

Depressive? Deep? Profound? Self-destructive, skeptical, cynical, pessimistic, oversensitive? Over-analytical? Sad and lame, frustrated maybe? Or just fucked up? Messed-up, screwed? Who knows.

Maybe I should have written only about my every-day experiences. Maybe I should have shared with you only the mainstream me, the part of me that I usually share with people. Telling you more about my friends, about the parties I go to, my nights out, my funny stories, my traveling experiences, my work, my computing projects or just random observations. Maybe I should have talked about politics or sports. Maybe now you think I'm just another depressive wannabe. Maybe you're right. Or maybe you got it all wrong.

There is a very thin line between expressing a thought, an idea or a concept regarding human nature and being lame. I am aware of that. But then again, we should be aware that the line may be even thinner between humans and animals. As you probably already know, we (humans) share some 98% percent of genes with our nearest relatives - the chimpanzees.So let us be animals 98% of the time. Let us play, laugh, get sad, bored, gather food, socialize, mate, compete, fight, think only about our well-being 98% of the time. It's the natural thing to do. I'm doing it. I just don't blog during this 98 percent of my time.

But how do you explore your remaining 2%? The 2% that separates you from our relatives, the chimpanzees? By going to school? By having a job? By talking? You think this is what the 2% are all about? Better learning abilities, better food gathering techniques, better communication skills? 2% for a better chimp? Maybe.

I wish you a great year. I wish you to think outside the box, to challenge patterns. I wish you everything you are wishing yourself. I wish you to be able to explore the amazing world we live in. I wish you good health, love, great fun and wisdom.

Happy New Year!

---
Enjoy: Monkey Drummer - Chris Cunningham + Aphex Twin

Second Sight

2007-12-27T22:53:00.000+02:00

Can you be in love with someone? Our answer is naturally yes, and we would give that answer without a blink of an eye. But I wonder.. aren't we more in love with that someone's image projected in our own minds? Aren't we more in love with the expectations we have from that particular someone? Aren't we more in love with an.. illusion?
We fall in love and then we get bored and then we fall in love again with somebody else.. the feeling is the same, again and again, although we are feeling it for totally different persons. Sometimes we may amuse ourselves thinking we where in love with a certain boy or girl somewhere in the past.. "That was foolish". Or was it? Was that 8th grade love any more foolish than the ones we are experiencing closer to the present? Was that boy or girl really all that inferior to the one we have a crush upon right now? Or is it just the way we perceive them at a particular moment in time, when we find them all so special, so unique. Isn't it all just a trick played gracefully on our minds by our reproductive instincts? The butterflies go away but we get to keep an emotional dependency, we get attached. And this, to a certain extent, is what we call love. This attachment that perpetuates itself after the butterflies are all gone.. because they tend to fly away, you know. It's kind of a sad view, I know, but it's just a way of looking at things.

---

Enjoy: aphex twin - come to daddy

Sofisme

2007-12-27T13:58:00.000+02:00

Pana la urma, trecutul. Dusmanul este acolo unde ne asteptam mai putin, in unul din cele mai dragi locuri ale noastre: propriile noastre amintiri. Cu cat ne distram mai mult, cu cat ne-am simtim mai bine, cu atat apasa mai greu. Si devin din ce in ce mai pinkish. Chiar crezi ca era asa de bine? Chiar crezi ca, atunci si acolo, erai pe atat de lipsit de griji pe cat iti imaginezi tu acum?

Nici vorba.. dar avem noi tendinta bolnavicioasa de a avea aceasta impresie. Avem tendinta de a compara in mod eronat problemele de atunci cu cele de acum folosind aceiasi masura. Nu crezi? E ca si cum un bolnav de cancer ti-ar spune ca tu nu ai nici o grija. Da, problemele tale palesc pe langa ale lui, insa nu poti sa gandesti asa. Acum poate sa para amuzant si induiosator cand iti amintesti cum ai plans cand ti s-a stricat o jucarie anume, insa la momentul respectiv, tu plangeai. Emotia era aceiasi ca si acum cand se intampla sa plangi. Intra-devar, atunci iti trecea mult mai repede o suparare. Insa tu nu constientizai asta, nu puteai sa gandesti atunci asa, sa apreciezi ca iti trece mai repede o suparare. Asa cum acum nu reusesti sa fii foarte bucuros tot timpul ca nu esti pe moarte. Asa cum, desi intelegi acest rationament, nu reusesti sa ii dai curs. Totusi esti convins ca atunci era mult mai bine. Pentru ca asa iti amintesti, insa amintirile se schimba cu timpul. Raman mereu amintirile frumoase, cum credeti ca ajung sa isi aminteasca cu nostalgie unii de profesori care i-au chinuit in scoala? "Era sever, dar ce bine mi-a prins".. raman doar urmarile placute pentru ca suferinta din trecut nu mai este relevanta. Intotdeauna suferinta este perceputa ca fiind asociata prezentului, pentru ca in prezent o simti. Memoria nu are rost sa retina suferinta decat ca pe o informatie. Stim ca sufeream ca s-a stricat jucaria, insa cum nu mai simtim acum acelasi lucru, devine ceva amuzant si copilaresc. Iar tot acest trecut este filtrat si se aduna toate lucrurile placute si se strang. Si atunci, cum privim in spate, cum vedem numai lucruri frumoase. Daca intoarcem capul inainte, vedem nesiguranta, potentiala suferinta, inevitabil mai putine lucruri frumoase. Si ca atare, ne construim viitorul pe baza acestei perceptii. Si ajungem ca intr-adevar sa ne distram mai putin, sa radem mai putin, sa ne bucuram mai putin, sa facem mai putine lucruri interesante, sa suferim mai mult. Playing mind games..

---

Enjoy: What The #$*! Do We Know!?

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-24T15:30:00.000+02:00

Merry Chistmas to you all! May this Holiday bring you peace of mind and whatever else you are hoping for :)

I'll keep this short, just a few simple things I want to mention:

Christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ.
The essential vice, the utmost evil, is Pride.
Cherish what you have.

Smile for Christmas and try to make others do the same :)

---

Enjoy: Generosity...

Emo but True

2007-12-23T21:28:00.000+02:00

This is more like running. Running with her eyes shut, running with ear plugs. Always feeling good about her past. As if, when the present becomes past, it changes. And it changes her. She's running backwards.

It's hard for her to turn around. She knows all too well about her chances of survival if she keeps doing it. And still, this is the way she is built up. This is how she thinks; she is blaming her internal structure. From her point of view it's just another loose-loose situation. Some may say she's a pessimist or maybe that she's got it all wrong, but she has all the good will. It's not about fashion, she doesn't care about trends. She is not enjoying it and she would do almost anything to stop thinking. At least for a day.

Sometimes she realizes how shallow her problems are in comparison to others'. She is pretty healthy and that is something. She has a place to sleep, food, and maybe some people that really care about her. She knows all these and that she should be more grateful and stop running, but she just can't. And the guilt builds up. It adds up on top of everything else. And she knows things could have been so much better, only if she would have been slightly different.

She is addicted to illusions. She knows it, she knows that her dreams are illusions and still she is addicted to them. And this doesn't make any sense to her. She is angry on herself, angrier than she could ever have been on somebody else.

She sometimes tries to think about it as gathering life experience that might be useful someday. But that day doesn't feel plausible. She just can't imagine it and that's bringing her close to desperation. Because, up until now, she always had something to wish for. She always had some kind of desire, some kind of hope. But now she doesn't know what she wants anymore. She can think of things that may make her happy in some ways but destroy her at the same time. There are, after all, incompatible systems, equations having no solutions. That's how she feels right now, and words just aren't helping her anymore.

---

Enjoy: Someday You Will Be Loved

Post de blogger

2007-12-21T21:18:00.000+02:00

Azi m-am trezit pe la 12, cu greu, dupa nush cate alarme snooze-uite si telefoane. Am fost pana in Base cu o prietena si mi-am luat un hanorac si doua tricouri. Imi placea mai mult alt hanorac insa nu aveau marimea mea :( Oricum e simpatic si asta ;;) Am ars-o vreo 3 ore in total prins in trafic (se cam statea pe loc azi) pana sa ajung la work (unde am ajuns pe la 4..:| (deobicei ajung la 2 cel tarziu)). Nu am facut mare lucru azi, cred ca am muncit efectiv in jur de 20 de minute :D A nu se trage concluzii pripite insa, deobicei lucrurile nu stau tocmai asa. M-am mai uitat asa pe proiectele la care am lucrat anul asta, un fel de retrospectiva.. 8-> Pot spune ca sunt multumit (ah si in caz ca nu stiati, anul asta am terminat si facultatea, no more school for me, no sir! :D). Diseara se iese, cel mai probabil initial mai lejer si apoi un clubulete ceva (B?). Este si o ocazie, au venit in tara doua prietene tare dragi mie si trebuie sa ne vedem la o barfulita ceva :P Sper sa se stranga mai multa lume. Cam aiurea ca nu o sa pot sa beau absolut nimic alcoolic (mai nou am o mica problema medicala) dar in fine sper sa ma descurc si altfel. Maine s-ar putea sa dau o scurta fuga la munte, insa nu cred ca ma dau de data asta. Poate ma duc dupa Craciun sa ma dau cateva zile, sper sa mai fie zapada. Iar de rev tot nu stiu ce fac.. nimeni nu s-a ocupat.. as usual, dar pana acum ne descurcam noi cumva, anul asta tare vad ca stau acasa si ma uit la Stela si Arsinel :)). Umm.. si cam asta :-??

Eh, eh? Decent nu? Cam gay asa la prima recitire, dar in fine, o sa mai exersez :))

Hey You

2007-12-20T02:50:00.000+02:00

Stop dreaming. Start learning and working, go to a good college. Become somebody. Work for a good company, earn lots of money. Buy lots of things. Be active. Socialize. Laugh naturally on bad jokes. Say bad jokes. Build a routine. Dress properly to the occasion. Have a firm handshake. Keep a schedule. Manage your resources properly. Stop wasting time. Focus on success. Punish failure. Entertain yourself on Saturday night, go to the mall and watch the latest movie. Drink a beer, but be sure to be fresh and ready to work on Monday morning. Always smile. Think positive. Work harder, push your limits to achieve your goals. Keep away from people that aren't like you, they might be a bad influence. Criticize bad behaviors. Have moral standards. Impose your moral standards. Think only about things that directly concern you. Take calculated risks. Be a role model. Be yourself.

This is what life is all about. We all give up dreaming sooner or later. The alternative is pretty dark. Don't struggle anymore. Give in. Besides, this generation has nothing left to fight for. So sit back and enjoy your freedom. Don't take it for granted. We can do anything we want now, and still we chose to do pretty similar things. We are busy little bees. Your life is short and you're fighting an unexisting war, you see. Be reasonable.

---

Enjoy: Hey You

The Red Fire Truck

2007-12-18T02:56:00.000+02:00

We always associate the things around us with their specific image, an image defined by shape and color. This is the way we recognize people, this is the way we recognize objects. We see them every day and we draw the conclusion that this is the way they are. It's a learning reflex and in our minds we hardly can imagine a fire truck without thinking red.

But what is this "red"? We all know that if we think about it scientifically, but it's pretty hard to comprehend otherwise that "red" is just a convention. "Red" is an electromagnetic radiation with a wavelength of 700 nanometers. The paint covering our fire truck has the property of absorbing all other radiations from the visible electromagnetic spectrum while reflecting this 700 nm wave. And so we see it red. I know that this is secondary school physics but still it's quite amazing how we are so convinced about the absolute value of the property of color. In fact, it's just out mind's convention.
If we take the fire truck and isolate it from everything, it's actually invisible. Not red, not blue, it's just not there anymore. We need light to see it. We need a certain radiation source to hit the poor fire truck and to reflect in our eyes so they can transmit some electricity pulses to our brain to see it like that. To see it red.

But what is light? It is a wave and a particle in the same time, modern physics tells us. That's even harder to comprehend and we rarely think about it that way. When we say "light", we thing about the sun or a light bulb. We don't think about the microscopic elementary particle called photon or about electromagnetic waves.
And so, we don't realize how different things could have been. We think of color as an absolute property of matter, but just take a look at the sun as we may have seen it if the human visible spectrum would have been slightly different. A spectrum that is just a tiny segment in the entire electromagnetic spectrum, covering just a few hundreds of nanometers of wavelength.

So when you hear "fire truck" next time, try to think "700" instead of "red", would you? :P That would be too much of a stretch for our brains (considering we are the lucky ones that can see), and that's just an example of our narrow-mindness.

---

Enjoy: They Might Be Giants - Why Does the Sun Shine? (funny songie :P)

The Last Morning After

2007-12-15T17:46:00.000+02:00

It's late. The bouncers are telling them they will close in 10 minutes. The lights are starting to be turned on. Eventually, the music stops. It's over. The remaining people inside are rushing to the wardrobe.

And then, they go outside. The morning light is dim but still unpleasant, and it's pretty cold. There are totally different people on the streets then a few hours earlier. A garbage truck passes by.

They have changed. They talk less and walk faster. The silence is cruel and every single one of them dreams of the worm bed at home. The dirty smell of nicotine buried deep inside the fabric of their clothes is the last thing on their minds. They just want to sleep. The first phase of a hangover may be setting in, and they are pretty hungry. Another garbage truck passes by. And now, they have to wait.

They see a couple of taxis on the other side of the street. They head towards them. They have done all these hundreds of times and it all seems the same. But now it's winter and a thin layer of ice is covering portions of the street. One of them slips. The others stop and try to help him get up. For a fraction of a second they see it coming, but now it is too late. The violent brake is heard only for a moment, and then, the impact sound.

They are now all lying on the cold street. Some of them are bleeding heavily or having open fractures. A few still have the power to scream, but for the most of them the pain is too strong. Soon enough the silence is back. One of them looks at his leg and sees a broken bone coming out of his favorite jeans. He passes out.

They have just entered a totally different world. A world of surgeries, recovery processes and wheel chairs. A world of pain and suffering. A world of tears and broken smiles. A nightmare some may call it, but it's just a face of reality. And it all began in a fraction of a second on a cold early winter morning.

Keep a wide perspective.

---

Enjoy: Dirty Pretty Things - Deadwood

Blazon si stima

2007-12-12T14:52:00.000+02:00

Insemnele echipei. Insemnele haitei tale, insemnele regilor. Coroana si sceptrul. Emblema.
Numele formatiei. Ori mai subtil poate? Label-ul agreat. Inscriptia. Asocierea de cuvinte potrivite. Asocierea de culori si accesorii. Fashion. Costumul. Castile. Masina. Oja. Expressing yourself. Being yourself.

Este firesc. Avem afinitati, avem inclinatii. Lucrurile, oamenii si activitatile care sunt ok. Da, suna simplu dar despre lucruri "care sunt ok" este vorba. Care ne plac, cu care ne place sa ne asociem, pe care le simtim noi mai bine. Si puneam pasiune. Ajungem sa fim convinsi. Pentru ca exista aceasta dorinta de apartenenta poate. Atasament. Repere, termeni de comparatie. Trebuie sa ne raportam la ceva.

Sunt lucruri de bun simt. Bun simt as in common sense. Si pana la urma, o batalie a bunurilor simturi. Unele mai bune decat celelalte. Un intreg sistem social ce interconecteaza grupari. Caste. Partide sociale, conglomerate umane, galaxii.

Si sunt cei din zona centrala a galaxiilor. Determinatii, monovalentii. Personaje puternice, darze si hotarate. Si fiecare steluta de genul asta este convinsa pana in maduva oaselor de superioritatea galaxiei din care face parte.

In zona periferica sunt cochetii. Cei care cocheteaza cu ideea. Pot fi deasemenea si ex-monovalenti carora li s-a mai dus din intensitate. Exista si varianta sa se fi nascut acolo si sa nu fi avut curiozitatea sau pornirea de a incerca si altceva.

Stele libere? Se spune ca ar fi un mit. Iar daca ar exista vreuna, sanse sa se formeze o mica galaxie. Si atunci ar deveni un monovalent. Dar stele libere? Stele care sa observe cerul fara patos. Stele calme si fara pasiuni, stele si reci si calde. Focus on "fara pasiuni". Ori vrem sa avem stele libere, capabile de pasiuni si indarjire? Nu e cam mult? Ce sa le motiveze? Ce sa le starneasca pasiune? Lupta unor galaxii indepartate? Nu prea pare a fi suficient. Contemplarea egocentrica, singuratica si cu o oarecare doza de superioritate? Poate. Dar nu vorbesc de genul acela de pasiune.

Ar mai fi stelele plimbarete. Stelele care au trecut prin mai multe galaxii. Stelele cu un trecut zbuciumat, ce au participat la nasteri si destramari de galaxii. Stele uneori obosite dar intelepte cumva. Stele ce insa s-au racit odata cu trecerea timpului. S-au deformat si acum sunt un fel de relicve.

---

Enjoy: Junior Boys - In The Morning

Bucurestii

2007-12-06T03:32:00.000+02:00

Bucurestiul de noapte, cu lumini, betii, lacrimi, suspine si non-stop-uri. Bucurestiul de zi. Bucurestiul de dimineata cu tramvaie si autobuze pline, injuraturi si hoti anosti de buzunare. Bucurestiul de Sofitel si Hilton, incojurat de baieti spicuiti si fete aranjate care iti spun "Sir". Bucurestiul de Bamboo, cu tocuri si sampanie fina, Bucurestiul de Ferentari cu cutite si flegma. Bucurestiul de centru. Bucurestiul de 9 to 5 (9), cu acelasi drum zilnic, apa minerala cumparata spre casa si apoi somn. Bucurestiul de taximetrist de noapte. Bucurestiul de dealer, cunoscator al firilor cazute si al apartamentelor in care se decade, Bucurestiul de engross-ist, pentru care ziua este grea dar trece daca se targuieste calumea. Bucurestiul de copyright-er electronic, cu gesturi gay si anturaj funky. Bucurestiul de mafiot ieftin, cu cicatrici si spelunci de noapte dubioase, Bucurestiul de punkist, cu batai ocazionale si cateva locuri predefinite de pierdut vremea, Bucurestiul de cocalar, cu ochelari si bunaciuni, Bucurestiul de retardat, fara prea multa expresie. Bucurestiul de boxeur care sta toata ziua la sala si se antreneaza. Bucurestiul de clubber, ce se trezeste imbacsit, face un dus si-asteapta venirea noptii. Bucurestiul de doctor cu saloane albe si carnagii de dimineata pana seara. Bucurestiul de om bolnav, plimbat prin aceste saloane, Bucurestiul de hedonist cu bani. Bucurstiul de pensionar, cu o piata, o posta si o farmacie. Bucurestiul de dama de companie, zilnic aceiasi camaruta a placerii, Bucurestiul de politist, plin de infractori si betivi. Bucurestiul scarbit, Bucurestiul naiv, Bucurestiul optimist. Bucurestiul jucatorului de sah, pierdut in lumea inchiderilor. Bucurestiul tau.

Acest oras (indiferent de cum se cheama el) in care traiesti este cumva alcatuit din mai multe orase ce coexista in acelasi spatiu fizic. Unele din aceste orase iti sunt familiare. Cu unele te mai intersectezi ocazional. Altele ai dori sa le cunoasti insa nu ai cum. De altele ai auzit insa te temi, sau poate iti repugna. De multe insa nici nu ai habar ca exista.

---

Enjoy: Slice of Romanian Life - trip to Bucuresti

Muzica de pe la noi

2007-12-05T01:59:00.000+02:00

Muzica romaneasca. Ce formatii avem? Ce "hituri" avem? Care este puterea miscarii underground? Si poate cel mai important, va genera miscarea underground de azi un mainstrem decent maine?

Pentru a nu da un caracter prea general discutiei ma voi limita la a vorbi despre zona mai rockistica a muzicii romanesti. Asta inseamna stiti voi, chitari tobe bass poate un synth, voce si mult haos, deci rock, goth, punk, post-punk, pop-punk, ska, alternativ, hardcore, progressive, emo, heavy metal, death, trash si lista poate continua.. dar nu avem noi formatii nici pentru astea:P

Buun si in zona asta ce avem? Avem in primul rand putin istorie. Asta inseamna iris, cargo, phonix, asa, ca si milestones. Evident mai sunt si altii. Astia ar fi rolling stones-ii nostri, cu bune si rele, ne plac nu ne plac, asta e. Unii inca mai canta si starnesc in continuare ceva haos pe la concerte, desi deja e mai multa nostalgie printre fani decat chef de pogo. Multimiti de ei? Eu zic ca da. Sa nu uitam si de comunism & all cand ne gandim la asta. Eu zic ca s-au descurcat.

Dar sa vedem cine urmeaza. Stiu ca sunt tot felul de mici formatii, unele poate foarte talentate, insa as prefera sa vorbesc depre zona mai cunoscuta a underground-ului cat de cat contemporan si in ton cu lumea.

OCS. TNB, skate, copilul rebel, foarte simpatic. Primul pierce, poate primul tatuaj. Doua beri goale pentru una plina, cine se combina, poate un tunulet. Nu ne e rusine cu ei nu? Eu zic ca dimpotriva.

E.M.I.L., initial ska ca apoi sa se cam dea si ei pe pop-punk. Au cultivat, dar aici as face o mica pauza.

Poate ca asta ar fi o problema.. muzica are cumva nevoie de un mesaj encodat. In comunism se faceau aluzii la regim, acum se fac aluzii la verde de exemplu, insa e o chestie mult mai putin puternica.. Nu e asa big deal sa sugerezi ceva legat de fumat. Poate si asta e o problema, cand esti prea liber nu prea mai ai despre ce sa vorbesti :P

VaduvaBob si Hotel Fetish par sa iasa oarecum din anonimat, VaduvaBob a scos un album relativ de curand (The Secret Mouth of The Cyanide Erotique). Desigur cu totul alte genuri muzicale.

PCC, Chester, Coma, Crize, SS3 (scuze ca le pun la gramada dar am inceput sa obosesc :P) deja de apropiem de prezent usor asa. Ioana, Flo si alte fete care incep sa devina mai emo si mai whateva. Tote bune si frumoase si simpatice, mai un concert in Suburbia, mai un concert in Expirat, mai un concert in B. Cam putine melodii noi though. ZOB iarasi merita mentionati si mai sunt, mai sunt, dar e tarzior.

Asa, dar mai departe? Asta e tot? Ok mai sunt Mauser care suna interesant desi cam Franz Ferdinand-ish asa, Cerbii din Carpati, Vio Band, mai sunt, nu zic nu, dar totusi, hmm.. parca parca lipseste ceva. Parca un sound mai care sa ramana pe creier asa, parca un vers ceva mai interesant. Nu iti e dor de un vers asa.. sa iti vina sa il scrii pe banca? Nici versuri asa cumva puternice nu prea am mai auzit, majoriteatea sunt cam simplute si cam depasite asa. Sunt melodii tari, dar cam.. imprastiate asa, cate 2-3 la o formatie, si nu prea apar unele noi, si nu stiu, poate imi scapa mie ceva..:-?? Pe cine sa imi pun banii ca o sa reziste inca sa zicem.. 5 ani? Dar in fine asta e oarecum trist, ca o formatie e considerata cu atat mai buna odata cu trecerea timpului si cu cresterea numarului de albume/melodii scoase.. chiar daca de la un moment dat poate nu mai sunt tocmai de valoare.

In fine, apologia batului de chibrit, nevermind me. Oricum i'm no expert. Speram ca acest post sa iasa ceva mai coerent si mai organizat, dar nu a fost sa fie se pare.

---

Enjoy: chester - flo (live in expirat) (si cu putin de izzy la inceput:P)

Commonplace Redundancies

2007-12-02T20:32:00.000+02:00

We are music addicts and social animals. We listen to music, we listen to our friends complaining or telling funny stories, we listen to our teachers during class hours, we listen to airport announcements. Every single second while we are awake, we listen. And we speak. We like to communicate, to share our thoughts and views, to debate. To make people laugh. We argue and we yell. We laugh and we cry and in both cases we create sound waves that propagate through the air and produce that familiar vibration. We listen to the city and even in the most remote places, the night has its own sounds. The ability of hearing is essential and deaf people are living a tragedy.
But sometimes we get a little tired of all that. We would like to "enjoy the silence" (a song title.. kind of ironic isn't it?). We turn off the music, we turn off the tv, we close the windows, we turn off the ac/computer/whatever produces sounds. And we find out someone has prepared a little surprise for us. We cannot reach silence. Our thoughts are still playing. We may or may not be hearing voices but nevertheless our thoughts have a pretty similar effect. It's hard to rest in a noisy environment but it's even harder to rest while having noisy thoughts. And what do we do then? Umm.. we put some music on..

---

Depeche Mode - Enjoy The Silence (Linkin Park remix)

Petrecerea dureaza cinci ani

2007-11-25T02:14:00.000+02:00

Polivalenta este o calitate tare draga mie. Dar uneori poate fi o pacoste.

Pe de o parte sa iti vezi de scolici, temute si proiectele, sa fii geeky uneori, poate sa ai vreo pasiune ciudatica gen informatica, fizica, matematica, chimie, whateva. Sa canti la un instrument (la modul profesionist, cu teorie muzica si sute de ore de practice in spate & all) sau sa stai ore intregi citind documentatii, sa fii olimpic sau ceva. Sa excelezi in ceva, sa ai o pasiune reala (in afara de "muzica si filme") si capacitatea, placerea si determinarea de a o urma.

Sa fii responsabil, sa fii de incredere, sa discuti despre mecanica cuantica la o limonada de dupa-amiaza, sa ai asigurare, sa ai un job bun, sa fii un bun professional. Sa fii un fiu bun, sa fii o fiica buna, sa fii un bun frate, sa fii o buna sora. Sa fii serios, cu ganduri si preocupari serioase. Sa fii asa nu din cauza unor constrangeri exterioare ci pentru ca este natura ta.

Pe de alta parte sa fii un dubios, care o arde in anturaje suspecte facand chestii dubioase la ore suspecte in locuri dubioase. Sa cunosti tot felul de lume, sa mergi in tot felul de barulete si clubulete. Sa ajungi la petreceri undeground in case sau forturi parasite. Sa te termini, sa dormi pe plaja cu punkistii, sa iei chestii, sa te prajesti, sa razi isteric, sa faci chestii retardiste, sa fii incoerent, sa se ia politia de tine. Sa pierzi noptile in oras sau la alta lume acasa, sa te trezesti zilnic la 2. Sa faci toate astea nu din cauza unor constrangeri exterioare, nu din cauza anturajului, ci pentru ca asa esti tu construit.

Sa iesi azi in oras cu 20 de prieteni si sa te simti sufletul petrecerii iar maine sa te plimbi singur intr-un parc.

Sa studiezi antropologia dimineata ca dupa-amiaza sa te duci sa-ti pui un pierce in limba.

Sa iti pui intrebari existentiale si sa studiezi in ce masura fizica poate raspunde la unele dintre ele ca mai apoi sa pierzi o ora gandindu-te cu ce sa te imbraci.

Sa asculti chilian si massive attack, nofx si portishead, zebre si kid loco, cocorosie si metallica.

Sa fii romantic, sa te indragostesti, sa iubesti platonic, sa traiesti sentimente nobile si pure ca mai tarziu sa ai chef sa ti-o tragi cu cineva.

Cam asta despre polivalenta. Imi plac oamenii polivalenti, mi se par mai interesanti. Polivalenta are in spate un soi de deschidere a mintii, o destupare, capacitatea de a fi mai obiectiv si mai analitic, de a avea mai putine prejudecati si mai multe idei. Inventivitate, spontaneitate, umor.

Si totusi polivalenta cauzeaza suferinta. Atatea laturi ale personalitatii tale, unele foarte diferite, unele opuse, coexistand. Se nasc conflicte intre ele, se nasc razboaie si indiferent de care latura castiga, tu suferi. Desigur suferi intr-un mod elegant si subtil, rafinat. Dar asta este mai putin relevant pentru tine. Si pana la urma se duce si polivalenta. Latura mai puternica castiga, in cel mai bun caz latura responsabila. Si ramai o umbra a ceea ce ai fost. O cvasi-leguma. Un personaj simpatic, mai ales atunci cand povesteste despre trecut. Te-ai maturizat. Ieiii.

---

Enjoy: Requiem for a Peek

The Death of Generation X

2007-11-21T03:16:00.000+02:00

Clothes, music, customs, verbal ticks, jokes. Brands, hats, shoes, stores, clubs: you name it. They all grow old and die along with the generation that launched them. Of course a few may survive a little bit longer and even fewer to more than that: but they all eventually get old and die. The clothes that you now consider to be neat will seem ridiculous in a few decades. The hairdos you now think are hot will be considered to be retro, at best. The snickers or skate shoes you wear will look like vintage curiosities, the clubs you go to will only appear in some retrospective guide of "The City That Once Was". The music you listen to is getting old and boring. From raw, fresh, brand new underground music it becomes mainstream "good quality" music and then.. old music (maybe the next generation will still appreciate some of it). Your mobile phone and mp3-player will end up in a dusty old museum. The way you dance. The way you walk. The way you eat. The way you live. Your kind of parties. Your kind of movies. Your favorite seaside resort. Your accessories. You.

---

Enjoy: Crystal Castles - Air War (audio/video offset length: a couple of generations :P)

Viata ca un back

2007-11-20T02:44:00.000+02:00

De ce oamenii batrani zambesc mai putin? Si de ce nu rad cu pofta aproape niciodata? Toata lumea stie de ce.

---

Multe dintre probleme se pot rezolva printr-o metoda usor spartana dar totodata sanatoasa: prin incercari. Explorarea intregului spatiu al problemei pana la gasirea solutiei (solutiilor). Explorarea de posibilitati pana fie se gaseste solutia, fie se ajunge intr-o infundatura. In cel de-al doilea caz se face un pas inapoi si se incearca urmatoarea posibilitate. Daca problema are solutie, sigur va fi gasita prin aceasta metoda. Este o metoda cunoscuta, sigura si simpla si se numeste backtracking. Sau pe scurt, back.

Cu totii aplicam aceasta metoda zilnic. Fie ca avem un telefon nou si ii "exploram" meniul ca sa ii gasim calendarul ori calculatorul, fie ca incercam sa construim un raspuns in cadrul unei dispute. De cele mai multe ori nici nu ne dam seama, este una dintre metodele cele mai intuitive cu care lucreaza si invata mintea noastra.

Pe langa aplicatiile ei de zi cu zi folosim fara sa stim aceasta metoda si pe termen mai indelungat. Incercam diverse posibilitati, diverse configuratii in vietile noastre, tot incercand sa ne apropiem de o solutie, fie ea si partiala. Atunci cand solutia pare de neatins in configuratia curenta facem o schimbare. Incercam o alta configuratie si continuam sa inaintam. Ne mai oprim, ne mai intoarcem, mai avansam. Firesc.

Si totusi, cu cat variantele sunt mai multe, cu cat numarul actiunilor ce pot fi intreprinse creste, cu cat spatiul problemei este mai mare, cu atat dezavantajul acestei metode devine mai evident: este foarte, foarte costisitoare. Din punct de vedere al complexitatii mai prost de atata nu se poate: complexitatea backtracking-ului este exponentiala. Daca problema noastre creste cu o decizie in plus, timpul de rezolvare se dubleaza.

Ce frumos ar fi fost.. Hmm, poate nu frumos, dar interesant de incercat, cel putin: sa putem sa facem un back uneori. Sa putem sa vedem in cateva secunde unde am ajunge peste 10, 20 de ani, daca acum alegem sa facem actiunea X acum, in prezent. Si, pe baza acestei viziuni, sa intreprindem actiunea sau nu. Da da, stiu, implicatiile unei astfel de posibilitati sunt greu de imaginat si cel mai probabil viata nu ar mai fi asa cum o stim noi acum. Si probabil o sa spuneti ca ar fi mult mai neinteresanta. Adevarat. Si totusi, cateodata ar fi atat de bine sa putem face asta. Atat de bine.

---

Enjoy: Klaxons - Magick

Scurtcircuitele impersonale

2007-11-18T14:32:00.000+02:00

Sunt cumva precum un fulger si pot aparea oricand (scurcircuitele impersonale :P). Nu sunt necesare o predispozitie sau o stare anume. Singura conditie ce pare sa fie necesara este sa fii treaz (as in awake, not necessarily sober:) si sa te gandesti la ceva. Orice. Ah nu, nu e vorba de vreun moment meditativ-contemplativ. Sa zicem ca te gandesti la scolica, la vreo treaba, la o cearta, la ce vei face in ziua respectiva, cu cine trebuie sa vezi, ce trebuie sa cumperi, whatever. Si cum te gandesti tu asa nu mai dai atentie faptului ca tu esti cel care se gandeste. Ti se pare ca sunt asa un fel de ganduri impersonale. Obiectul este cel care conteaza iar subiectul ramane undeva asa in spate. Si te departezi, si te departezi. Tot felul de idei, mici rationamente si concluzii. Pareri, impresii. Despre ceva ce pare a fi interesant, despre ceva ce pare a fi plictitsitor, despre cineva care o arde aiurea, despre cineva care ruleaza. Asa, typical random thoughts.
Si apoi scurtcircuitul. Realizezi (iti amintesti?) intr-un mod foarte abrupt ca tu esti cel ce are acele ganduri. Tu, carnal asa. Flesh and bones. Nu “pare a fi interesant”, ci “tie ti se pare a fi interesant”. Da, da, tu. Or is it just me?

Add this to the "list of things to do before i Die" ... Would you?

Bipolar Disorder

2007-11-15T20:45:00.001+02:00

What drives you, my friends? What drives you, besides chasing little pleasures, instinct and routine? What am i missing? Passion? That i understand. But very few of you have real passions, and even fewer long-lasting ones. So? What is it? Why are you so determined? What are you hoping to achieve? You want a house, a car, a pool, is that it? Professional satisfaction? Pride? Is it pride? Tell me.

I know, i know. You're simply enjoying it. You enjoy going out with your friends. You enjoy spending time with your girlfriend or boyfriend, you enjoy, maybe not always, but you enjoy what you're doing at school or at work. And there are a lot of things to enjoy. So many, that even with the most hedonistic life style you'll probably explore just a small fraction of what's out there.

And then, there is the peace. The peace with yourself, the peace with who you are and what you are doing. You are enjoying that too.

Of course you know about the bad things in life. You have your problems, your sad moments. You have your tragedies. But you get over them. Sometimes it's hard, but you hope you will always manage to get over them. Because you enjoy life, as simple as that.

But the question is, are you enjoying it enough? Or what drives you is just chasing little pleasures, your survival instinct and your routines?

Depresia rationala

2007-11-11T20:19:00.001+02:00

Dezamagiri, frustari, sentimentul inutilitatii sau un eveniment neplacut; o pierdere, o conjunctura, o imposibilitate.. exista o sumedenie de declansatori si catalizatori ai starilor depresive. Cu totii avem astfel de momente. Daca ele sunt prea dese, poate fi vorba de depresie cronica, considerata o afectiune. Afectiunile se trateaza medical. Daca sunt mai rare sunt considerate ca fiind o stare de normalitate. De multe ori sunt considerate ca fiind lame: “Emo kids suck”. Trebuie sa te bucuri de viata asa cum este, cu bune si rele, make the best out of it and stop complaining. True.

Ba mai mult: este foarte usor sa gasesti cazuri, destine, tragedii care ar trebui sa te faca sa te simti jenat ca tu te plangi. Oameni mutilati, oameni care mor de foame, oameni carora le-au murit parintii sau copii, fratii sau surorile in accidente ingrozitoare, oameni care nu au pe nimeni pe lume, batrani care astepata sa moara mai repede, copii uitati prin orfelinate care nu stiu ce inseamna afectiune, bolnavi care stiu ca mai au doua luni de trait. Motivele starii tale depresive par ca palesc in fata atator si atator tragedii, iar faptul ca unii din subiectii acestor tragedii mai au puterea sa zambeasca ar trebui sa fie argumentul suprem care sa te faca sa zambesti si tu. True.

Si totusi things don’t work out that way. Si nu neaparat pentru ca iti lipseste orice farama de bun simt. Si nu neaparat pentru ca esti un egocentric sau un narcisist. In mod normal se considera ca acest lucru se intampla datorita caracterului profund subiectiv al starilor depresive.

In mod traditional (si cand zic asta, nu ma refer la literatura de specialitate – cu care nu sunt familiar, ci la common sense) orice stare depresiva are doua componente: una rationala si una irationala.

Compoenta rationala este mult mai putin subiectiva si se refera la o serie de argumente logice pentru prezenta starii depresive. Un parinte caruia i-a murit copilul se poate considera usor ca starea lui este justificata si are un caracter profund rational.

Componenta irationala tine mai mult de predispozitia cuiva catre starile depresive. Sunt oameni care se deprima “usor” si care, intrebati, isi vor putea justifica starea prin niste argumente. Insa aceste argumente nu vor fi considerate de catre majoritate suficient de “puternice” pentru a induce starea de depresie.

Caracterul subiectiv al depresiei face ca acesta sa fie considerata o afectiune psihologica sau psihiatrica. Se cunosc deja substantele chimice a caror deficit sau surplus poate conduce la stari depresive sau dimpotriva. Exista medicamente. Acestea adreseaza componenta irationala a depresiei, starea de predispozitie. Exista psihologi scoliti sa discute cu tine, sa localizeze cauzele acestor stari si sa gaseasca acele actiuni pe care sa le intreprinzi pentru a le elimina. Prin astfel de tratamente psihologice se incearca adresarea componentei rationale a depresiei.

Bun, si ? Ce-i cu asta ? Sunt lucruri de bun-simt, cunoscute si oarecum evidente.

Studiu de caz: un tanar de 18 ani este parasit de prietena. Intra intr-o stare de depresie profunda si se sinucide. Ce prostie! Avea toata viata inainte! Nu merita sa te sinucizi pentru asa ceva! Un act profund irational. I-ar fi trecut in cateva spatamani, poate luni. Ar fi gasit pe altcineva. Instabilitate psihica, instabilitate emotionala. Amploarea depresiei lui a avut un caracter profund irational. Oare ?

Aici intra in discutie subiectivismul rationalitatii in astfel de cazuri. Suntem obisnuiti ca tot ceea ce tine de rational sa fie universal acceptat. Predicatele rationalentelor sunt predicate logice, logica la care cu totii ne supunem. Insa se uita prea usor despre atribute. Atributele sunt subective. Atributele sunt personale. Un orb poate sa afirme ca este intuneric in plina zi urmand un rationament perfect corect din punct de vedere logic. Define darkness.

Tanarul nostru putea sa considere, oricat de lame ar suna, ca viata lui nu mai facea sens fara acea fata. Si parerea mea este ca nimeni nu putea sa il contrazica. Nu avea cum, nu avea nicio baza de niciun fel la care sa se raporteze.

Si atunci componenta irationala a depresiei influenteaza atributele componentei rationale. Asta era evident. Insa ce ce faci cand esti pus intr-o astfel de situatie ? Ce te faci cand reusesti sa judeci rational, insa cunoscandu-te pe tine, nu vezi vreo iesire ?

Dezvolti in mintea ta arborele decizional complet, iar fiecare ultim nod are asociate atribute pierzatoare ? Pot fi toate atributele pierzatoare ? Incerci poate sa umbi la caracterul acestor atribute si nu poti, pentru ca laturi diferite ale personalitatii tale au pareri diferite, iar reuniunea acestor pareri stabileste fara echivoc caracterul negativ al acestor atribute. Si te enervezi intr-un fel.

Esti atasat de logica si de ratiune, insa asta nu pare sa te ajute. Si ce faci ? Solutii out of the box, faci o plimbare, asculti ceva, te vezi cu cineva, vezi un film, joci un joc. Scrii acest articol. Dar degeaba. Un soi de amagiri. Rationamentul este simplu si clar, concluzia este limpede, there’s no way out. And who can challenge that ?

Puzzle

2007-10-26T03:12:00.000+03:00

Un puzzle de 1000 de piese este asezat pe masa in fata ta. Dupa cateva zile de truda ai ajuns la ultima piesa. Eziti. Tentatia de a-ti incununa efortul este mare. Iei ultima piesa in mana si te uiti la locul ei din cadrul puzzle-ului. Sa pui piesa acolo ti se pare cel mai firesc lucru din lume. Ti se pare de neconceput sa lasi tocmai acum puzzle-ul neterminat. Desigur nu te grabesti, incerci sa savuzeri aceasta miscare. Indrepti piesa spre locul ei. Si totusi, ce-ar fi sa nu o pui ? Sa o lasi pur si simplu deoparte ? Ai putea sa faci asta ? De ce ai face-o ? Doar te-ai hotarat sa faci acest puzzle si acum gata, ai reusit. Este evident ca te descurci sa pui si ultima piesa. Deci ce rost mai are ? Nu asta era scopul, sa vezi ca reusesti, eventual cat timp iti ia ? Scopul a fost atins. Poti sa consideri fara nici o problema ca ai terminat. Si totusi trebuie neaparat sa pui si ultima piesa. Sa vezi puzzle-ul complet. De ce ? Ei, asa..

Granitele

2007-10-06T03:40:00.000+03:00

Stagnare. Dimensiunea infinitezimala a unor granite ma sperie. Granite intre senzatii atat de diferite, intre concepte atat de diferite. Separate de un pai. Fara graniceri, fara control al pasaportului, fara indicatoare. Spatiu comunitar. Si treci fara sa iti dai seama dintr-o parte in cealalta. Trebuie in permanenta sa simti aceste muchii ce serpuiesc de fiecare data altfel, sa le intuiesti prezenta atunci cand te apropii de ele. Iar daca ar fi doar atat, ar fi bine. Granitele insele, desi nu isi fac simtita prezenta in mod direct, se camufleaza ca fiind zone de maxim interes in cadrul teritoriului in care te situezi. Te atrag inspre ele. Fata morgana, te apropii, le atingi si gata. Ai trecut. Esti in alt tinut, in alt teritoriu, alte legi, alta lume. Iar daca vrei sa te intorci, previzibil, comportamentul lor se inverseaza. Nu te mai atrag ci te resping. Pentru ca granitele se hranesc din dorinta noastra de a nu le traversa.

Echilibrul

2007-10-05T02:21:00.000+03:00

Sa presupunem ca avem un sistem ce se afla in echilibru. Pentru a iesi din echilibru este nevoie de o forta noua. O forta care sa intervina in sistem si sa il dezechilibreze. Daca te apleci in fata pana cazi, insasi forta generata de muschii tai, cea cu ajutorul careia te-ai aplecat, te-au facut sa iti pierzi echilibrul.

La ce este bun echilibrul ?

Cu totii simtim cumva ca echilibrul este un lucru bun. Daca un turn este prea inclinat, isi pierde echilibrul si se prabuseste. Daca iti pierzi echilibrul in timp ce traversezi un pod ingust, cazi si iti rupi piciorul. Masinile sunt proiectate sa fie cat mai stabile pe sosea, sa nu isi piarda echilibrul. Oamenii echilibrati se intuieste ca sufera mai putin decat cei ce fac excese. Multe sfaturi au o legatura cu pastrarea echilibrului, a cumpatarii, a caii de mijloc.

De ce ?

Din nou o intrebare simpla si poate stupida.. de ce ? De ce este bine sa fii echilibrat? De ce cei mai in varsta ii sfatuiesc pe cei mai tineri sa fie astfel? Sigur, raspunsul este intr-un fel evident: se constata empiric ca cei ce nu sunt echilibrati ajung cumva sa sufere, se intampla ceva rau cu ei. “Uite cum a ajuns X”. De la prea mult baut, prea mult fumat, prea multa munca, prea multa distractie. Excesele ca si surse ale dezechilibrului pot fi variate dar rezultatul este acelasi: se intampla ceva negativ. Dezechilibrul nu este bun. Dar de ce se intampla asta ?
Sunt niste intrebari care pe mine, in naivitatea si curiozitatea mea infantila, ma fascineaza. Si incerc sa construiesc un raspuns.

Neputinta

Echilibrul este o stare din care se pseudo-iese. Nimic nu poate parasi echilibrul “de tot”. Poti sa cazi, sa te rostogolesti, insa pana la urma tot te opresti, reluandu-ti starea de echilibru. Si cu cat cazatura a fost mai violenta, cu cat au cazut mai de sus si te-ai rostogolit mai mult, cu atat te va durea mai tare la sfarsit. Momentul in care de dezechilibrezi sau clipele pe care le petreci in aer nu sunt dureoroase. Insa momentul inevitabil al redobandirii echilibrului poate fi. Cu alte cuvinte, modul in care natura lucrurilor face ca ceva sa isi redobandeasca echilibrul pierdut poate fi violent. Desigur starea de echilibru redobandit nu este mereu evidenta. Echilibrul redobandit al unui alcoolic este greu de imaginat ca fiind ciroza. Echilibrul redobandit al unui davaist este greu de imaginat ca fiind chinurile sevrajului. Pentru ca echilibrul este recunoscut de cele mai multe ori ca fiind doar starea de dinaintea caderii. Daca vedem un acrobat pe sarma, cu totii vom admira echilibrul in care se afla. Daca acesta cade jos, nimeni nu va mai sesiza ca el se afla in echilibru. Insa jos acolo, cu oasele rupte, zbatandu-se intre viata si moarte, acrobatul este intr-o stare de echilibru mult mai stabila decat cea initiala.

Concluzia ar fi ca este bine sa fin echilibrati pentru ca altfel riscam o redobandire violenta a unui echilibru pe care nimeni oricum nu il va mai sesiza :)

Deci.. sa fim echilibrati?

Da. Dar ce inseamna sa fim echilibrati? O constatare simpla ari fi tendinta de deveni din ce in ce mai echilibrat odata cu inaintarea in varsta. Atractia instinctiva fata de excese se transforma odata cu trecerea timpului intr-o respingere a acestora, intr-o retragere intr-o lume cu repere cunoscute si scaderea pana la disparitia apetitului pentru experimentare.

Conflictul

Echilibrul pentru multi dintre cei mai tineri inseamna monotonie. Inseamna lipsa exceselor ce duce la o viata poate lipsita de prea multe neplaceri, insa neinteresanta. O blazare, o capitulare, un semn de infrangere. O moarte clinica.
De partea cealalta se sustine (de multe ori pe un ton arogant si superior) ca atitudinea lor este semn de maturizare, de intelepciune.
Exista insa Jocul.

Jocul

Un corp asupra caruia nu actioneaza nicio forta este in echilibru. Insa echilibrul poate fi atins si prin actiunea unor forte ce se anuleaza reciproc. Ba chiar, aceste forte pot fi nedeterminat de multe si nedeterminat de mari: atata vreme cat ele se anuleaza reciproc, corpul este in echilibru. Este usor de intuit insa ca, cu cat fortele devin mai multe si mai mari cu atat mai greu este de mentinut starea prin generarea unor forte care sa le anuleze. O singura greseala poate face ca intreg corpul sa isi paraseasca brusc starea. Cu cat fortele sunt mai mari, cu atat jocul devine mai riscant. Dar atata vreme cat este jucat bine confera satisfactie.

Intuirea propriilor limite in evaluarea fortei rezultante si atingerea acesteia poate duce doar la o mica iesire din echilibru. Iar odata cu aceasta, se obtine si o crestere a limitei. Incet incet ne putem juca cu forte mai multe, mai mari, mai rapid variabile in timp.
Desigur Jocul este obositor si nu este facut pentru toata lumea. Multi capituleaza inainte de a incepe. Insa el reprezinta calea prin care putem trai, experimenta, exagera, savura excese pastrandu-ne in acelasi timp starea de echilibru. Game over.

Micile placeri ale vietii

2007-10-04T01:16:00.001+03:00

Un film “bun”, un spectacol, o plimbare, vizitarea unui muzeu, bautul unei beri, sexul, flirtul, o discutie, dansul, plaja, drogurile, o masa copioasa, somnul: o submultime a micilor placeri ale vietii. Momente de bucurie. Momente in care te simti bine. Momente in care savurezi viata. Si totusi, intotdeauna mai trebuie ceva. Atunci cand ne simtim bine, avem impresia ca elementul (unul din cele enumerate mai sus) este cauza senzatiei noastre. Trebuie sa te uiti la un film bun dupa ce te-ai despartit de prietena si inca suferi, sa mergi la un spectacol care iti aminteste de ceva trist din trecutul tau, sa te plimbi singur dupa ce ai fost dat afara, sa vizitezi un muzeu intr-o tara in care nu reusesti sa te adaptezi, sa bei o bere cu niste oameni nu care nu reusesti sa gasesti un punct comun, sa faci sex cu cineva pentru care nu simti absolut nimic, sa dansezi in incercarea de a uita ceva si a nu reusi, sa te droghezi prima data de la iesirea de la dezintoxicare, sa mananci la inmormantarea cuiva apropiat sau sa dormi stiind ca a doua zi ai s-ar putea sa nu te mai trezesti pentru a realiza ca mereu mai trebuie ceva.

Intrebarile

2007-10-04T01:15:00.000+03:00

Exista o serie de intrebari pe care, punandu-ni-le, putem sa resimtim senzatii atat de diferite. Categorisite in mare parte ca fiind intrebari existentiale, ele par a fi in primul rand caracterizate intr-o prafuiala datorata uzurii. Sunt intrebari desuete, pe care de la o anumita varsta incolo devine oarecum penibil sa ti le mai pui. Un zambet de superioritate in coltul gurii, a pat on the back. Been there, done that. Acum ne ocupam cu lucruri mai serioase. Avem griji, responsabilitati, preocupari pragmatice infipte cu darzenie in concretul cotidian. Asta nu inseamna, bineinteles, ca am fi gasit un raspuns la ele. Ba chiar, subiectul asta devine un pic deranjant. Cel mai probabil nu avem Timp de asa ceva.

Resemnarea si capitularea sunt vazute ca un semn de evolutie fireasca, de maturizare. Este poate un mecanism nascut din instinctul de supravietuire, caci pana la urma, sunt lucruri care trebuie indeplinite pentru ca specia sa isi continue existenta si sa isi imbunatateasca coditiile de viata. Pe de alta parte, spiritul practic ne face sa nu perseveram in anumite preocupari care nu par a avea vreo finalitate. Si parem ca incepem sa stim despre ce e viata. Ne autosugestionam cum ca asa ar fi. Iar puterea autosugestiei stim cu totii ca nu este de subestimat.